Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I have been facing this problem for seven years. It is about my husband. He is 69. I am 50.

You would not believe he is 69, if you didn't know his age.

He exercises every morning and eats sensibly.

At his age, he has a lot of energy. We still have sex twice per week. He is very good. He goes to bed early. Sometimes, at seven or eight o'clock, he is already in bed.

A girl has accused my husband of getting her pregnant. I told him he should do a DNA test when the child is born, but he doesn't agree.

He does not have a child with me. I have two children, but they are living with their grandparents, on their father's side. He seems to be happy having his name called again. Some years ago, the same girl called his name. She got pregnant and, though she was living with a man, she said it was my husband who got her pregnant. The baby died. I warned my husband to keep away from her, but he wouldn't hear.

I don't know what he sees in her. Maybe it is her bowed legs and light complexion. Anytime I go abroad, he gets mixed up with other women.

I told him if he doesn't stop, I am going to cut out his penis when he is sleeping. It is not a joke. I will do it because I am embarrassed and fed-up with his behaviour. The girl doesn't care.

People say it is my husband who is paying her rent. I have not gone to her house but, from what I heard, she is living in a well-furnished place. She has no ambition. My husband can afford to keep her as his sweetheart. The more I talk is the more he is not saying anything. It is not sex. I give him what he can manage. I am not going to cheat on him. I prefer to leave. Sometimes the girl calls my house and hangs up when I answer the phone. Please, pastor, give me your advice.

L.S

Dear L.S.,

Your husband has not denied having a relationship with this woman. However, he thinks you are making too much an issue out of it. His attitude shows that he doesn't care much how you feel.

However, I am not saying he does not love you. You have not said how old the woman but, at his age he should be slowing down.

Have you ever considered this man could be doing things with this younger woman that he doesn't do with you?

I would hate to judge him, but perhaps he engages in kinky sex with her? She might love him, but what she loves more is his money. If, indeed, he is paying her rent, she will not be willing to end the relationship with him.

Are you interfering with this woman? What I am trying to ascertain is whether you are talking about her, saying unkind things or telling your friends she is having a relationship with your husband.

If your husband wanted to leave this woman, he would have a long time ago.

Even if he is having an affair with this woman, it does not necessarily mean he is responsible for her pregnancy. She may have told him so to get more money out of him. He may be very proud and feel that, as an old man, he still has 'use'.

I hope when she has given birth he will be wise enough to insist a DNA test is done.

I really dont want to encourage you to leave your man. Hang in there, work with him, encourage him to seek professional help. Cursing him will not help the situation. Something is radically wrong. His name was called with the same woman, and the child died. Why has he continued with her?

Pastor