Dear Pastor,

I am 32. My husband is 39. We have been together from I was a teenager, but got married in 2012. We have three beautiful children. He is a wonderful provider and father.

I don't have problems with him cheating or lying, but my biggest concern is his behaviour sometimes. He is a miserable man, who quarrels over everything, regardless how simple it is.

He is old-fashioned and believes women are supposed to do all the house chores.

I am always willing to take care of my house and the kids, but sometimes it gets overwhelming. The hurtful part is he still comes home to find faults with what has been done.

We are coming from humble beginnings. I can remember being hungry while with him. However, we worked hard. He now has his own business with aid from me.

I do my own business in the community.

Pastor, my husband is so angry sometimes. As soon as he enters the house that way, the kids signal to me that he is angry again. We all just keep out his way. He is not physically abusive, but is loud and talks sometimes that others can hear him.

I love him, dearly, but am so unhappy at times. He will make me sad. After a few days he comes back around and is the sweetest person. I know he loves us a lot.

I suggested to him that we go see a family counsellor, but he refused to, saying he is going to change, but the cycle goes on and on.

I am considering leaving him and going abroad for a while. He doesn't know, but I can't deal with it anymore. He has made tremendous sacrifices for me, so it's hard to leave, but I think my happiness and sanity should take first place.

What say you on this matter, pastor?

P.J

Dear Pastor,

Evidently, your husband is working under great stress. He is not even aware his behaviour is affecting you.

You have pointed out a number of things to him, but it is not all men who listen to their women.

Here is what I like about your letter. You say you love him and are convinced he loves you too.

You have described a good man, a loving husband, father and a good provider.

It is not many women who would describe their husbands as having such qualities. Many are cruel and self-centred, so I would say to you, do your best to keep your marriage.

I repeat, this man is under great stress, He needs to learn how to manage his time and life, in general, so he needs professional help.

He tells you he will change, but needs someone to help him. You both need to see a family counsellor. You are under pressure, too, because you are trying to run your business, doing house chores and taking care of the kids. You have your hands full.

I have a suggestion. Tell your husband to employ a days' worker. This person could come in to wash, clean and iron for two days, or so, so you will not be too tired for your husband. When he comes home, he will sense the difference. Make the suggestion to him but, please, stay with your man. You may even suggest a vacation. Perish the thought of leaving your husband permanently.

Pastor