Dear Pastor,

I am 37. I have three children. Only one is for my husband. The fathers of my first two children don't support them, so it's my husband alone. I am not working. The only job I am qualified to do is days' work. my husband does not want me to go out and do days' work.

Two of the children are in high school. The first one is working and goes to college in the evening. The children respect my husband. He is a good father to them. The eldest has a boyfriend. My husband told her he does not want her to bring him to the house. he wants her to focus on her lessons.

The guy dropped her home in a taxi. My husband was entering the yard and saw them. He roughed her up so much, she didn't eat. She told me if she had another place to go, she would have left because, though she loves her father, she is old enough to have a boyfriend. She is 18. When I spoke to my husband, he said I shouldn't encourage her to have a boyfriend. I should remember I got pregnant with her at 19.

I don't want my daughter to leave home. My husband is not telling her to leave, he is discouraging her from having a boyfriend. My daughter told me she is not having sex, but I don't believe her. I am a woman. I see signs that she is having sex. She is hardly talking to her father since he roughed her up, but he still gives her money whenever she needs it.

Concerned Mother

Dear Concerned Mother,

You have a good husband and the children have a very good father. Your husband should not even be considered as stepfather to your first two children. They are blessed. He has taken good care of them and has taken good care of you.

It is not because he hates your daughter why he is discouraging her from having a boyfriend, he is doing so out of fear. He believes there is always a possibility that when a girl has a boyfriend, she might become sexually active and get pregnant.

He might be going about counselling her the wrong way. He sounds over protective. He should calmly speak to her but, at the same time, allow her to feel he trusts her and has confidence in her.

Why would a girl be tempted to leave home because her father discourages her from keeping a boyfriend? Tell your daughter to continue to love her father, respect him and to understand whatever he says to her is for her own benefit.

Pastor