Dear Pastor,

This is my first time writing to you. I always love reading your column in The Star. I have an issue and I need some help.

When I first met my child's father, he did not treat me well. He always cheated on me. Now, after five years, I have made up my mind that I have had enough. I broke up with him.

I met and fell in love with this other guy. This guy is in some wrongdoings and is very thin-skinned. He gets vexed for the least thing. When my child's father found out that I was talking to someone else, he wanted to kill himself. He said he was going to change and he couldn't just let me go. Night and day he would sit at my door crying and asking for a next chance, but I always said no, and I always ran him.

Pastor, I have just realised that my boyfriend has a lot of women and he does not use condoms when having sex. My best friend showed me some texts he sent. Pastor, I didn't say anything about it to him, I just went for my things and blocked him from calling and texting me. He disgusts me, but I still love him.

The problem now is that my child's father looks like he is getting mad and talking to himself, and that kind of stuff, and I don't like to see him like that. I feel sorry for him, but I just cannot be with him. I love my boyfriend but not my babyfather. What should I do?

Confused

Dear Confused,

I thank you for loving my column. I am really concerned about you. From the time you met the man who eventually got you pregnant, he did not treat you well, yet you remained with him. Why didn't you leave him? When you made up your mind and left him, you had already had a child by him. And when a woman has a child by a man, it will take many years for her to finally end all communication with him. As long as the child is a minor, both of them will have to communicate and discuss matters in the interest of the child.

illegal activities

You made another bad move by becoming intimate with a man who is engaged in illegal activities, but you stayed with him while your child's father was begging you night and day to come back to him. The only thing that could have got you out of this relationship were the dirty sexual practices of this man. What kind of woman are you? You know what the man has been doing. You know the man is freaky and he has many women, but you declare that you still love him, so you must be freaky, too. Your head is not right. It can't be.

I think that you should try and help your child's father. He needs to see a doctor. I am not suggesting that you have a sexual relationship with him, but now that you have left him, he cannot stand the loss and it's affecting him. Perhaps you did some things with him, too, that whenever he thinks about you and the other man, he is imagining that the other man and you are doing these very things. And the thought of you and this man engaging in such activities affects him psychologically, emotionally, and physically. In Jamaica people would say, "These things madding him".

You don't want him back in your life. You want to stay with your freaky boyfriend, but I say to you, try and get your child's father some professional help. Remember, he needs to be a part of the child's life.

Pastor