Dear Pastor,

I am 40 and having a problem. I have two children. One of them graduated from college and the other is in college. I raised them on my own. They belong to one man. When I got pregnant with my first child, he told me to keep the baby, but I said no. He promised he'd help me. During my pregnancy, he wanted sex all the time. I did it because I wanted the money.

Soon after I had my first child, the man got me pregnant again but said that the child was not his. He told everybody that I had another man. My mother stood up for me and said no man had come to the house, he was the only one. He said my mother couldn't see everything - maybe the man and I met when I took the baby to the clinic.

When the child was born, he came to the hospital and said yes, he would take care of the child. He soon got another girlfried and gave her money. I got a job and have been working ever since. I wasn't able to go back to school. Five years ago, I got a job to take care of an old man and his wife. His wife died soon after and his children asked me to stay and take care of him.

This man fell in love with me. He is 70. He is very strong. He helps me with the children. We are having a love affair. I don't have to spend the money he pays me, but I use it buy things for the children. My girls come and stay with me sometimes, but they live with their grandmother. The one who recently graduated from university has a boyfriend. I have my own quarters but sleep with this man every night. I love him so much! I don't know how it is going to end.

His children want him to live with them in America, but he does not want to go. He does not want to leave me. I am like his wife. When his children call, they ask about his health. He told me I make him feel young again. Since we became friends, I've not gone to bed with another man. I know I am safe from STDs and STIs with this man because I am his only woman. I know that for sure.

Pastor, he is talking about marrying me, but I am worried about that because his children would disapprove. They'd think I am after his house and money. I would like him to give me some money for me to build something on my parents' land. He is not giving me any assurance that he will do that, so I am asking you for your advice.

G.L.

Dear G.L.,

You are giving the impression that the love between this senior citizen and you is genuine. I cannot say that it isn't. You did not start out as lovers. You started as his employee. Unfortunately, his wife died, but you have become this man's caregiver and his lover.

He has been very helpful to you and your children. I am not prepared to condemn you, but I know many will. Some people may question whether your motive for reciprocating is genuine.

This man has his own house and is evidently wealthy. Even if the love that both of you share is genuine, some people will question whether you are genuine, and that may include his children. The greatest challenge you would face would probably come from his children.

On the other hand, they may shock you by wishing you luck and even offer to help you. Use common sense. Don't try to push this man to build a house for you. You should have enough money since you have been working with him to build your own house. Don't be greedy.

Pastor