Dear Pastor,

I hope all is well with you and your family. I have a problem and I need some advice. I have been living with a man for about seven years. I have kids but he is not their father. During the first year of our relationship he treated me bad, but I understood that he treated me like that because of the way he grew up. We broke up, but got back together. He curses me when I don't wash his dirty clothes. If he uses a cup or plate he does not wash them, so I would say, "Please to clean up because you are not a child." I try not to say much to him when he does things like that because I don't want the situation to get out of hand. He shouts at me in front of my children, and if he gives me anything he curses me about it. I cannot deal with this man anymore. I need your advice. I travel sometimes and when I am away and my children misbehave he curses them. I have a child who is not doing well in school and he calls him names.

I went to the doctor recently because I wasn't feeling well and I was shocked to learn that I have herpes. I have had only one partner, but he lies to me all the time when I ask him about other women. He has never tried to hit me because I told him that he would be a dead man if he tried that. He said he wants to marry me and my children said that will never happen as long as they are alive because they will not attend the wedding. He moved out of the house last year for three weeks and when he tried calling me I did not answer. I am 42 and my health is not good. He is 35. I can't sleep at nights because of all that I am going through. I don't have sex with him anymore and when he touches me I get upset. This man wants me to have a child for him, but I said no. I can't allow myself to go through that. Can someone marry a man like that? He curses me that I don't have any subjects, but I have skills. I can bake, decorate cake, make drapes and I have customer service skills.

K.F.

Dear K.F.,

You shouldn't be living with this man. In fact, you should end the relationship with him. He does not appreciate you. He has shown you, by moving out and by cursing you and your children, that he does not care about you. You are behaving as if you can't do without him. You said that you have herpes and I think you are trying to say that you got that from him. Stay close to your doctor. Follow his/her advice. But please, find a way to live without this man. He claims that he is smart and you are dumb because you do not have CXC subjects. I am glad that you have pointed out that you have skills. You can more than survive. You can use your skills to get ahead. Don't allow him to intimidate you. You deserve better than him.

Pastor