Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I'm in a relationship with a man who is twice my age. He came to my house and asked my mother for my hand. My mother told him she had her first child when she was 18; I was 19 so I could make my own decisions.

My mother called me and asked if I knew the man. I told her yes. When she asked if I loved him, I said, "I think so." She told me she could not choose for me.

When this man and I started out, he would pick me up in his van and take me to the country, or wherever he was doing his delivery. I told him I wanted to go back to school, but my mother could not afford it.

He promised to send me back. I went to his house and he showed me his three children, one was my age. I also saw a lady there. He said she was his helper, but she wasn't, she is the mother of two of his children.

I am pregnant for this man. When I told him I was pregnant, and asked to live with him, he told me I couldn't because the children's mother was there. Pastor, it was the same woman I saw the first time I went.

This man is a liar. The lady knows I am pregnant for him and blames my mother for giving me to this man.

I don't know what to do. I told him I still want to go to school.

He asked what I plan to do about the baby should I return to school. Pastor, why are some men such liars?

R.L.

Dear R.L.,

This man is, indeed, a liar and you are young and naive. Your mother told you to make your own decision about this man.

She should have advised that you have many years ahead and should be in no rush to have an intimate relationship with a man.

I suppose you felt excited to have a man with a vehicle, who could take you around the island whenever he was going to do his delivery. That gave both of you the opportunity to stay together for a long time.

There are too many wicked men around. He knew exactly what he was doing when he took you to his house and showed you the children. He lied about their mother and called her his helper.

As far as he was concerned, the woman was his helper. That's how he treated her. It was nothing but a trick to encourage you to be intimate with him. That is what he wanted you to believe.

I repeat, he is not good. He is shameless. He knew you were naive. He did not have to get you pregnant, but was his way of tying up your life.

I hope he will support his child and still assist you to go to school. You are 19 and have made a big mistake. Don't believe a word this man tells you in the future. He cannot be trusted.

Don't hide anything from your mother. What has happened to you is not what she thought would have happened. Keep away from his house and let him help you buy things for the birth of the baby.

Pastor