Dear Pastor,

I am 18 but I’ll be 19 in December. I am madly in love with a guy who is 21. We have been friends for two years. My father never used to hit me, but I disobeyed him and went out with this guy. My father found out and beat me.

My mother told him that he shouldn’t beat me. I cried. When he came back from work, I was still crying. He came into my room and hugged me and told me he was sorry, and that is what I get for being disobedient. This guy and I are still friends and we still see each other. We do not do so openly. Sometimes my ears are ringing when I am dying to talk to him.

And please, no disrespect to you, but when I want him, my private part starts jumping. I told my boyfriend what is happening to me and he told me that I must try and control myself because he is controlling himself and the time will come when we will be together.

I asked my father why I cannot have a boyfriend and he said I should finish university first. He does not want any man to spoil me. I am a well-behaving girl. I was angry with my father for hitting me but I don’t hate him. I just love my boyfriend. I plan to ask my father to allow me to go out with him on my birthday. Do you think I should ask him?

B.E

Dear B.E,

I am sorry that your father beat you. I wished he had used another method to show you that he was not pleased with what you did. He should remember that you are an adult and although you are living under his roof he should not treat you as a child. I believe you are a good girl and what you need is guidance. Your father wants the best for you.

He does not want anybody to use you. In fact, that’s what he said but he has to trust you and not give you the impression that he is watching you. Your mother has a big role to play in your love life and in the decisions that you make. I hope your father would not object to your going out with your boyfriend on your birthday. He knows, however, that lots of crazy things can happen on a girl’s birthday.

He might not say it to you, but lots of girls are not just taken for dinner and given gifts but the men wants to have sex with them to finish the night. That does not have to happen to you, so I suggest that you discuss the matter with your mother. Take her into your confidence.

Tell her the truth and assure her that you will not let your guard down. Ask her to talk to your dad about the upcoming date. Daddy still sees you as his precious little girl. He is proud of you. Don’t be mad with him. He means well. I wish you well. Take good care of yourself.

Remember what you are experiencing is natural. Everybody from time to time face sexual urges. You just have to learn how to deal with them. When that happens to you, try not to concentrate on them. Try to get your mind on something else.

Pastor