Dear Pastor,

I am friendly with a man. We have three children together. At present, I am not working and he complains every day that the pressure is on him alone. There was a time when I was the only one working and did not complain. Last year Christmas I couldn't take it. The children did not get anything new to wear and this man got his pay and bought new stuff for his girlfriend and did not give me anything for the children. I had a male friend who was visiting Jamaica. He was staying in Ocho Rios at a hotel. He called me and I went down to see him. I lied to my children's father and told him I was going to see my grandmother. I took the bus and left the children with one of my sisters. I told her where I was going. She knows the man. I spent two days with this man and I fell in love all over again with him. I wish I did not have to come back to Kingston. This man was in Jamaica alone. He took me to the store and bought me whatever I told him I wanted and when I had to leave him he gave me US$500. I cried in the bus. No man has ever given me so much money. He could not believe that I have so many children. He said my body was firm. He was married but he got a divorce. Since being with my children's father this is the first time I cheated and he caused it. When I came back to Kingston I didn't tell my sister everything but I told her I had a good time and I gave her US$50. She is my oldest sister and I know she will not let me down. Pastor, I am not a bad woman but I went with that man because he was my old boyfriend and my children's father is not treating me right. This man wants to come back and marry me but I am afraid of my children's father. He may just find out and hurt me. I don't know what to do.

V.L

Dear V.L.,

Your children's father has forgotten the days when you carried the household alone financially. Now that he is employed and you are not, he is complaining as if you have not helped him at all. He is even foolish enough to have another girlfriend and has made it known to you. He is not wise. A man must always take care of his home regardless of what he is doing. His woman and children at home should never suffer or be in need even if he has another woman. I am not saying that it is right to have another woman. I am only trying to say that any man who takes care of another woman while his woman or children are suffering at home is a fool.

It is not uncommon for women to trick their men by telling them lies that they are going to visit relatives in rural Jamaica when it is not so. They are going to spend time with other men. You did just that. Your old time boyfriend came to Jamaica, convinced you to come to see him and you had an ideal situation at home that caused you to take up the offer. You had confidence in your sister. You took a big risk. I know you blame your children's father for causing you to cheat on him. However, you are responsible for what you did and nobody else.

This man is offering to marry you. If you know that you are deeply in love with him and that you love him more than your children's father, it is something that you should consider. But if you know that your life is in danger you should leave your children's father totally and be away from him for a long while before you consent to marrying this man who is living abroad. I do not suggest that you consent to marrying this man abroad while living with your children's father. That I am sure would be very unwise to do.

Pastor