This is the second time I am writing to you. I wrote to you some time ago but didn't get an answer. I am 20 and very ambitious. I work hard and I am building my house. I am going back to school next month. I have a lot of challenges in my life. Sometimes I feel depressed.

I think my problem is because I don't have a boyfriend. I once had a boyfriend and never used to feel like this. I was always smiling and happy but now I am nothing like that.

I meet guys but they are not my type. They are idlers. The guy I am looking for seems not to exist.

Pastor, I need comfort, pleasure, attention etc. I am asking for any advice you can give to make me feel better until I find a guy I like.

M.M

Dear M.M.,

First, let me congratulate you. You are only 20 and in the process of building your own home. This makes me wonder how you are able to do so and, at the same time, attending school. Are you building this home on relatives' land? What type of house are you building? I hope you are going about it the right way.

You say you once had a boyfriend. What caused the break-up? A girl doesn't have to have a man in her life to be happy. However, if the guy support her financially, in your case, helping you to go to school, I could see why you are unhappy. I am afraid men are going to use you unless you come to realise that the things you are looking for from a man you might not get. You need comfort, pleasure and attention. Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be happy or to be unhappy. You have chosen to be unhappy.

The kind of comfort you are looking for comes with a price very few men are willing to give without receiving. They will give you pleasure and attention but I repeat, it comes with a price. I hope you understand what I am trying to say.

I suggest you commit yourself to the Lord. He would direct your path. Don't try to grow up too fast. You don't have the experience. You may think you are smart. Men are going to outsmart you. Go to school. Put all your energy into your schoolwork. As you study and do your best, you will mature and will make wise decisions.

I am not preaching to you but, believe me, don't try to have life your way. If you do, you will get hurt.

Pastor