Dear Pastor,

I am a 26-year-old lady. I am writing to you to ask you a question. My best friend and I are close. We do almost everything together. He is in a relationship and so am I. We started having sex with each other about two months ago. To be honest with you, I knew he wanted to as much as I did, or maybe we got mixed feelings due to the fact that we spent so much time with each other.

This guy treats me so well, pastor. He takes me out, buys me anything I want, listens to me and he honestly cares about me. The first time we had sex it was so good. I thought it would be weird to be around him, but he continued to be good to me. I am cheating on my boyfriend and he is cheating on his girlfriend.

Pastor, we have been friends for about five years now. We share same interests. We have never argued or anything. I am confused. I am developing deeper feelings for him even though I know we can't be together. I really don't want to lose him as a friend. I was celibate for two years until we started having sex. I want to be with him so badly.

I know it's wrong. Should I stay away from him fully? If I don't we will have sex again, but it's hurting me emotionally. I want a relationship with him. Should I tell him to break up with his girlfriend? I don't want to complicate our friendship. What should I do?

Confused

Dear Confused.,

You have already made up your mind to continue with this man because you do not want to break up with him. You have your boyfriend and this young man with whom you are having sex has his girlfriend, but evidently that means nothing to you. You will continue to have sex even if his girlfriend and himself stay together.

Evidently, you love this man more than your boyfriend. I am sure I am right. I will throw out a challenge to you. Tell this man that you love so much that you do not want to stop what both of you are doing, but it is bothering you. Therefore, the both of you should stop having sex and going out together. Tell him the closeness that both of you are having now as best friends should come to an end because your best friend should be your man (boyfriend).

Test the waters, so to speak. See how long you can go without being intimate with this man. See how long he can stay away from you. Let me ask this question: if you have a boyfriend and this man has his girlfriend, how is it that both of you are spending so much time together? What time do you get to spend with your boyfriend? And when is he with his girlfriend?

If you love this man more than your boyfriend and he loves you more than his girlfriend, is it not time for him to tell his girlfriend that the relationship between them is over? And is it not time for you to tell your boyfriend that the relationship between himself and you is over? In your heart, I am sure that you love this man more than your boyfriend.

Pastor