Dear Pastor,

I am 20 and writing about an experience I have had with my boyfriend. He called me on a Friday while I was at work . He told me that he would like to see me and perhaps we could go out. I told him I was not feeling well, I was having my menses, but he could come by to see me. He asked if I needed him to bring me something to eat. I told him that would have been nice.

I went home after work. After going to the bathroom, I went to lie down. My roommate was not at home as yet. I fell asleep.

My boyfriend came about eight o'clock. By that time, my roommate was home. She told me he was around. She had looked out and saw his car. He came in and, as usual ,came into my room and was there with me. We ate and were watching a movie together on my laptop. My boyfriend wanted to have sex with me. I reminded him I was having my period. He harassed me for about two hours and, though I started to cry, he insisted. I never have sex while seeing my period.

Violated

I felt helpless and did not want my roommate to hear me fussing, so we had sex. I told him he was an animal and had violated me but he was unperturbed. I punched him when he was finished. he stayed all night with me.

He left early in the morning but it was the worst night of my life. Every time I think of what he did, I became upset. I could not even go to use the bathroom because I did not want my girlfriend to suspect I had sex while seeing my period. He did not apologise for what he did.

You might wonder why I had sex with him. Well, he begged and begged and begged and reminded me that we had not had sex for two months and he would not have been able to get away from work for a while. We did not use a condom but he assured me nothing would have happened. I know it was wrong to have sex with him. I tried to please him but I feel hurt.

R.T

Dear R.T.,

Your boyfriend demonstrated that he does not have self-control. Even when a man is married, he has to learn to control his sexual desires. He should not have forced you to have sex with him. He would not have died from not having sex. No wonder you felt violated. He is your boyfriend so I could understand why you did not want to scream as your roommate might have heard what was going on. I wonder if your boyfriend knows that what he did borders on lack of respect.

You think that what he did is terrible, he does not. It should never happen again. You felt violated. Therefore, he should tell you he is sorry for what he did.

Pastor