Dear Pastor,

I am a 24-year-old Christian young man. The reason I wrote is because I am a confused Christian. Honestly, I am going to give it to you as it is. I can't bother with this Christian life anymore. I would like you to pray for me but I don't even know if prayer is going to help. I really need some spiritual help. There are times I feel comforted, like I would go on with the journey. Another time I feel so confused, like I want to sit down and talk to God himself, ask him some questions about this Christian journey.

weak to sex

My greatest weakness is sex. I am struggling with pornography and masturbation. Then there are times when I ask how do I know the Bible is really the word of God. I used to smoke before I became a Christian but stopped and got baptised.

Sometimes when I feel stressed, I feel like the only thing that can help me is the ganja, but I don't do it. I do not drink often but I do when I can. Sometimes I feel like I am just dying to get married because I can't manage the single life as a Christian.

Pastor, I really need your help. Sometimes the only thing keeping me in church is the idea of finding a good wife, because I always dream of finding real love. if I sin for saying so, may God have mercy on me. Please help me if you can and I hope to hear from you soon.

Confused Christian

Dear Confused Christian,

Don't give up on your Christianity because of temptation of the flesh. Seek the help of the Holy Spirit to overcome your temptations. The devil knows sex is your weakness and will use it against you. Therefore, to fight this temptation, you have to endeavour to get closer to God. Prayer will always help. The Apostle Paul says, .

In writing to the young man, Timothy, Paul told him Christianity is a fight. He encouraged him to " Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses", (1 Timothy 6:12 English Standard Version). He also encouraged him to, "Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts", (2 Timothy 2:22 New Living Translation).

If a man is going to run from youthful lust, he ought not to put himself in a situation where he would be tempted to yield to sexual sins.

temptation

You know sex is your weakness. Therefore, you shouldn't go to a woman's house when she is alone or go into her room or make out in your car. Neither should she come to your house because the temptation might be too strong. If you are stimulated by watching pornography, you should not look at such material whether on the Internet, videos, CDs etc. Many young people (male and female) entertain themselves by renting DVDs and practising what they see, either with their partners or alone.

You know what you do because, according to your letter, you

masturbate heavily. It is not good enough for me to tell you to stop. I must say to you that when a person has become addicted to pornography, masturbation etc. it is very difficult to stop. Therefore, he or she needs professional help. Some people can look at porn, occasionally, and it has no effect on them but it is affecting you. therefore, you are addicted to it. It will destroy your spiritual life. It is controlling you. Therefore, you need professional help.

You need to make an appointment to see a Christian family counsellor or psychologist for help. You need not throw up your hands and say Christianity is a waste of time. You can overcome your problem if you are willing to humble yourself and seek help. In the meantime, I suggest you consider doing the following, which was taken from the counselling centre of The University of Texas at Dallas.

Change routines and environments that lead to pornography usage. Avoid high-risk situations.

Make a list of the positive and negative consequences of using versus not using pornography.

Spend less time alone. Review the status of your friendships and relationships. Are they meaningful and satisfying? If not, what would make them more fulfilling?

Learn new ways of coping with strong feelings like anxiety, loneliness, anger, depression, and boredom.

Identify activities that can help you relax, enjoy yourself, and feel refreshed.

I want to assure you of my prayers and if I could help you further in any way, please feel free to contact me.

Pastor