I am 18 and will start university in September. I have known this guy, who is now 19, since I was in grade nine.

I've had a crush on him since I met him. Though we are great friends, our relationship is far from platonic. On numerous occasions, we've confessed our feelings for each other.

Our relationship has never gotten physical. We have deep conversations. Though I don't see him as often as I'd like to, we've kept the chemistry going. He is like a best friend. I can talk to him about anything.

Pastor, I have strandards and It was never been smooth sailing between us. We've argued on numerous occasions. He always leads me on until he finds someone else to fulfil his needs.

For example, in the early stages of our friendship, when I started developing feelings for him, he dated one of my close friends.

They both hurt me. She pursued him after I told her I had a crush on him. I forgave them.

He has disrespected me on other occasions and claimed he was joking. Even when I try to cut him off, he always comes back around. I have a tendency to overreact but, after a few days or so, he knows we're fine again. Thus, we've managed to remain friends for four years.

Of late, our friendship has matured more than ever. He has really changed. He told me he sees me in his future. He talks about marriage. However, we always turn every conversation about a serious relationship into a joke. I'd really like to have a serious talk with him about it but I'm afraid. I know how guys are.

It's not that I think I'm ready for a committed relationship but I feel we need to define the relationship. He tells me he loves me way more than he used to.

Another huge problem I am having is that I am a Christian. He was a Christian when we met. After one of our rough patches, I realised he no longer goes to church and is becoming atheistic. It worries me.

He has completely turned away from God. He broke his virginity and I'm afraid of the effect it might have on me if we decide to go steady.

When I try to talk to him, it turns into a debate, so I've avoided the conversation. It really bothers me because I don't want to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

On thje other hand, I really like him, and I've never felt so strongly about any other guy. I want God to save him or change my feelings towards him. It's hard to just stop liking somebody after four years.

He is very smart, caring, ambitious, and has an amazing sense of humour. We share common interests, which is why we can talk for hours without becoming bored.

We even intend to venture into the same career path. I really like him to be a part of my future but I'm afraid he might not be committed enough. The fact that he's no longer a Christian is a major issue. I'm afraid of what can happen if I bring up such a conversation. I don't want anything to change.

Christian

Dear Christian,

I enjoyed reading your letter. You are an intelligent young woman. I am also happy to know you are planning to go to university. I wish you well. You will make a good student.

I am afraid, however, I cannot encourage you to become serious in this relationship. You think highly of theyoung man but, so far, he has not proven to be a loyal friend.

He has already disappointed you by having sex and not going to church. If you are serious about serving the Lord, you are spending too much time with the wrong guy.

You may continue to talk to him, occasionally, but do not allow this relationship to go any further.

Pastor