Dear Pastor,

I trust you can help me with this problem. I have two children. Both belong to the same man. He left me and is living with another woman. He still supports his children. I love him and and he is a good father to our children, so It's difficult to move on. His girls love him. He is their hero.

On my 40th birthday, he took the girls and I out. When we got home, he fell asleep on the couch. I allowed him to rest but, at midnight, I woke him and told him it was late. He said he'd like to spend the night because it was already late. I went into my room and fell asleep. The next thing I remember was him fondling me. We had sex. After sex, he went home. Now the children are asking when is Daddy coming back.

Having sex with him made my feelings for him stronger. He hasn't told me why he left me. He said time is the master, so I should not give up on him. He gives me $10,000 dollars per week to take care of the children. Pastor, when we were having sex, I cried and told him he can have me anytime. I don't know what to do to get him back. I do not speak to his girlfriend. When I call about the children, she hands him the phone. She and I have never had any disagreements. She is a teacher. I am an office attendant. They don't have any children together. He is a contractor.

Please, pastor, tell me what to do.

N.N

Dear N.N.,

I'm not sure you'll want to follow my suggestions. You asked, so I am going to try to tell you how I see it. There is no question in my mind that you love your children's father very much. You have not said whether an argument might have caused him to leave you. Something went wrong. It is difficult to understand why he walked away. Perhaps this man wanted a professional woman. Though you are the mother of his children, he was not a hundred per cent comfortable with you.

Some men wouldn't care. They would marry a woman who has a child, or children, by them, regardless of their educational standard. This man loves his children and supports them well. He is living with an educated woman but, based on his behaviour, I wouldn't be surprised if he leaves her and comes back to you. On the other hand, you should not be reckless.

He took you and the children out on your birthday, but it seems he had planned to have sex with you. It was a part of your birthday gift. He is unlikely to do that very often because it might cause a problem in his current relationship. From time to time, he might come by to see you, and will use the children as reasons for doing so.

I hope you don't allow him to use you to satisfy his sexual needs then run back to his girlfriend. You should tell him that that cannot work. It is either he is going to leave his woman and marry you, or stay with her permanently.

Pastor