Dear Pastor,

I am 31, and I am living with my boyfriend, but we do not have children. I got pregnant twice, but I aborted the pregnancies without the knowledge of my boyfriend. I don't want to have children by him. I don't want to be tied down with children, and to have children now will 'tie up' my future. Sometimes, I have to pretend that I want to get pregnant and he believes me, but I don't. I got involved with him because he can take care of me. He allows me to go anywhere I want to go and he doesn't abuse me. If he comes home and the dinner is not ready, he helps me in the kitchen.

I don't know him to be fooling around with any other woman, and I don't cheat on him, but I don't love him the way I should. He is very close to his relatives. I am afraid that he would tell me to leave if he found out that I don't love him the way I should. Pastor, give me your advice.

T.D.

Dear T.D.,

You are playing a dangerous game. You have been with this man and you have been fooling him. I am afraid that one of these days he will find out that you are not for real and might be tempted to hurt you physically. If you know that you do not love this man, it is better for you to end the relationship with him, get a job and support yourself, and wish this man well.

You do not love yourself very much. You do not want children, but you allowed yourself to get pregnant twice. That is carelessness and you are behaving as a person who lacks common sense. Some of you girls think it is fun to fool men. you may get away for a while, but you make it more difficult for other women because the men you have tricked harden their hearts against other women, and these other women might be very genuine.

Pastor