25 and getting married to a 50-y-o

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you from the lovely parish of Manchester. I have a boyfriend. He is a Christian and I am a Christian. We are planning to get married, but he is behaving in some weird ways. He is laying down some rules that I don't agree with. Every time we meet, he tells me what he expects of me. When we first met and started to go out together, I used to wear pants. Now, he says that after we get married, I have to stop wearing pants. I have big earrings. Suddenly, he doesn't like them. I shave my eyebrows, and now he wants me to stop shaving them and to stop using lipstick and only use lip gloss.

The way I see it is that he wants to turn me into an old lady before my time. I like to change up the colour of my nails. He is against that. Whenever I wear sleeveless clothes, he says that I am showing too much. My mother says if I want to get married, I better listen to him. I know why my mother is encouraging me to listen to him. We come from a poor background and my fiancé tries to help her every week, so, to her, he can do no wrong. But I am not comfortable with him these days and I am wondering if this marriage is going to work. I would love to hear what you have to say.

Oh, I should tell you that he is fifty years old and I am twenty-five.

L.H.

Dear L.H.,

This man sees you as a child. He is not looking at you as someone who is mature and is on par with him. It is absurd for a man in today's world to tell his fiancée that she should not wear pants or use make-up and what to do and what not to do. He is crazy! Perhaps, religion has gone to his head. He is a silly fundamentalist.

Imagine what he would demand of you after you are married. To marry him is to put yourself under bondage. I am afraid I cannot encourage you to marry this man unless he is prepared to assure you of your liberty. Both of you need to sit with a family counsellor and discuss these problems.

Pastor