Dear Pastor,

I have been going through a lot of depression with my boyfriend lately. He broke up with me for something that I have done to him in the past. Let me explain.

When I was around 13 years old he performed oral sex on me to prove his love to me. I enjoyed it and I told a guy who I thought I could trust. Few weeks after I told him, he told some of his friends and they began to scandal my boyfriend in my community. My boyfriend was ashamed of me, but he continued to do it before he broke up with me.

I was tired of lying about the situation, so I spoke the truth about it. I am now 17 years of age. My ex-boyfriend is now 19 and will be 20 next year. I love him with all my heart and he loves me, too, but he is fed up with me.

Pastor, please assist me on how to get him back. He is very stubborn and he has not been listening to me. Though I have been apologising for that incident for years now, it's very obvious that he broke up with me for something I did in the past and for the truth. I miss him and I need him back because he means the world to me. Pastor, please help me.

Depressed

Dear Depressed,

When you were way below the age of consent, your boyfriend and you engaged in illicit sex. You were 13 and he was 15. And, perhaps you were excited over how it felt, so you told another friend about it. And that friend told others and the whole community knew about it. Your young boyfriend felt ashamed because lots of his friends would have mocked him for doing something that was outside the norm. They might have cried shame on him for 'bending down' and some men, though they practise oral sex, they don't admit it and they condemn others for doing so. But it has become so popular now that some of them brag how good they are at it. And it is the first thing these days that they are telling the women they will do it with them.

Women have complained that even while they are walking on the road, men drive up and tell them how good they are at oral sex and how they would want to do it with them. You have regretted telling others what your boyfriend and you did. He has not forgiven you for telling everybody. You would want to get him back. You have got over the shame, but he believes that to come back to you is to admit to the world everything you said about him.

You are still very young. Therefore, I am asking you kindly to keep the love for this young man in your heart. Don't push him. Call him occasionally. You may tell him from time to time that you still love him and that you do not have anybody in your life, and whenever he is ready you are willing for both of you to get back together. Make sure you keep your mouth shut. Don't discuss him with anybody. Not even your closest friend. It will get you into trouble again.

Pastor