Dear Pastor,

I am married, but I got involved with a woman and the relationship produced two children. My wife and I got back together, but she does not want to accept the children at all, and when I am going to visit them, she tells me how long I should stay with them. I had to go to the supermarket, so I took my children and drove them to the home of the woman with whom I have the other children. I introduced the kids to each other. Then I went to the supermarket and bought a few things as a cover-up, but as soon as the children got home, they told their mother that they had met their brothers. My wife was so angry that she cursed the whole day. She told me that I should never take her children to the woman's house again. She called me a john crow and stinking weed. I said nothing.

She cooked on that day and never called me to the table. I did not react. I shared my dinner and ate while watching television. But my children have not made it easy for me. They keep asking me, "Dad, when are we going back to see our brothers?" and I cannot answer when my wife is there. The boys' mother put my photograph on facebook. My wife is furious.

Pastor, I cannot deny that these are my children. The boys look just like me and their mother doesn't interfere with my wife at all. I don't intend to destroy my family. I am going to stay with my wife and the other woman knows that. I want to give my sons a good education. Pastor, what do you suggest that I do?

F.L.

Dear F.L.,

You have taken the right approach. Unfortunately, you got involved with this woman while you were still married and both of you have two children together. You have ended the intimate relationship with her, but your wife should, understand that you will always have to communicate with this woman because of your children.

Don't let it be said of you that you are not supporting your kids. I can't say whether it was right for you to take that approach in getting the kids to know each other, but whether the approach was right or wrong, your children ought to know each other and the attitude of your wife is wrong. Your children that were born in wedlock should not be considered as having a higher status than those who were not.

You are trying to live in peace and to make your marriage work. Continue to do just that. Take your children out, and if it is possible to get your wife to agree that all of them should go out together, plan that intelligently. It is only a matter of time before the very children that you had with your wife would insist that the other siblings be invited, so play it cool. Don't push your wife to accept them. She will in due time, hopefully.

Pastor