Dear Pastor,

I am writing with tears in my eyes. I am a 25-year-old woman and I met a man two years ago, just after I graduated from university. He did everything to impress me. I was never a girl who liked to go out much. He told me I was wasting my life away and I would regret not having more fun. He took me out to plays and, occasionally, clubs. I didn't like clubbing but I enjoyed going to plays.

I've always practised safe sex but one night the condom broke. I got pregnant. It was confirmed when I missed my period for two months and I went to the doctor. When I found out I was pregnant, I told him and what he told me nearly killed me. Pastor, this man was married. He gave me the impression that he was single and loved me. He tried to convince me to have an abortion but I refused. He told me I would have to support the child on my own because he couldn't tell his wife he got another woman pregnant.

This man met my parents and siblings. They all liked him. Only once did I suspect something was wrong. I posted his picture on Facebook and he asked me to take it down. I asked him why and he said he was a private person. I removed it and went on with the relationship.

Well, it happened that I did not have to abort the child. I lost the baby. He pretended he was sorry but I ended the relationship because I couldn't trust him anymore. He is telling me he is sorry for what happened. He claims he was so in love with me, he couldn't tell me the truth. It was hard to tell my parents that this man is married. I did, but I could not tell them I was pregnant.

This man has used me in every way. He taught me many sexual positions. I did them because I thought he would have been my husband. All he has to say is sorry. I have always been a careful woman. I have a friend who I'm eyeing. I knew him before the man who deceived me. I did not get into a relationship with him because he is a year younger than I am and didn't strike me as ambitious. I've learnt that you mustn't judge a book by its cover. This friend of mine is who I've had to lean on for moral support. I am trying my best not to hate the guy who got me pregnant but he keeps calling and asking for forgiveness. He wants us to date again. What do you think about him?

L.L.

Dear L.L.,

The mistake cannot be reversed. I believe you are a wonderful young lady and you were deceived by this man. He believes he has fooled you, and indeed he has. You are an intelligent woman, so you can pick up the pieces and move on. If you consider yourself a fool, you're wrong. I have repeatedly said that good people make mistakes. You don't have anything to be embarrassed about. Therefore, I suggest you make an appointment to see a family counsellor to help bring you back on track.

Concerning the young man who has been a friend for a long time, don't turn him away. You should go out with him. Ignore the guy who tricked you. If you want to be nasty to him, tell him to push his head in a red ants nest. Perhaps I shouldn't say that.

Pastor