Hey, I have a question fi unnu. If you couldn't have both, what would you want from your children, obedience or independence? Think about it! That question was posed at a parenting seminar I attended, and it generated a very engaging discussion.

As I remember it, most people declared their preference immediately. Naturally, they chose obedience. You wrong them? Which parent or guardian doesn't enjoy interacting with an obedient child? After all, doesn't obedience make life easier for those with power and authority? Of course!

When the instructions say 'jump', obedient-minded children will just take off and defy gravity compliantly. The most they may pause to ask is 'how high?'. Independent-minded pickney, on the other hand, won't jump so readily. No bossie! They're more likely to complicate matters by demanding a reason for the jump, challenging the idea of jumping and asserting their right to refuse.

As the discussion continued, and as the seminar facilitator provided additional questions and challenges, the participants began to move towards some kind of consensus and people generally agreed that too much independence or too much obedience can be problematic.

So, a balance needs to be achieved. Children need to be raised with an appreciation of the value of obeying established laws and rules. But, we also have to ensure that we raise children who are able think independently.

Yeah man, that balance can actually make the difference between whether we raise a mindless lackey, who simply does what he/she is told without thought, or whether we nurture a rebellious anarchist, who challenges everything just for the sake of challenging. Both can be dangerous. One participant ended all argument with the light of laughter, and by asserting that 'all I want from my children is grand children'.

It happened couple years back, but I remembered that seminar and the discussions around the question of independence versus obedience just this week.

I reflected on the broader concept of national Independence as Jamaica celebrates 53 years of Independence.

It dawned on me that we put a great value on our independence as a sovereign nation and celebrate the status with great pomp, ceremony and jollification.

We big up the idea of personal independence in the context of freedom from the control, influence, support and aid of others. But when it comes to independent thinking, that even gently challenges some of our beliefs and traditions - we bun out dem independence deh!

You ever really notice how some of us jump down other people's throats in discussion threads on Facebook or in the feedback sections of online articles, when those people have the audacity to express independent ideas?

We don't handle critical questioning or intellectual challenge that isn't in keeping with the tribal mantra, party line or religious dogma that we uphold, well.

No peeps, we seem happier when people around us conform. Yuh haffi defend the side! Whether it's blindly accepting our idea of whether a supreme deity exists, and if so, what name to you call him or her, or whether it's adhering to the often absurd rules about acceptable masculine behaviour; you work with the programme, blend in with the massive and move with the crew!

Yuh haffi wear what we wear and talk like we do. That doesn't work so well for me. I value my individuality and cherish my intellectual independence. How about you? John F. Kennedy once said, "Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth." And I agree. So, are you free? Are we growing? And how's your independence going?

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