Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I hope you will be able to carry on for a long time. I am in a relationship with a 45-year-old man. He is a contractor. He has his own business. He and his wife are separated. He said he does not want her back.

I went to his house and found out she has a room there. The room is filled with her clothes. I asked if she stays there sometimes. He had said no. He said he has not packed away her cothes because she promised to come for them. She is staying with a friend but looking for her own place. He is financially stable enough to pay her rent, but refuses to because of what she did.

He told me she was cheating with a younger man. He said the man's brother told him about the affair. I did not believe him but he showed me a letter from his wife, begging forgiveness. He said he can never forgive her because he gave her everything.

I am in trouble because my religion does not allow me to marry a divorced man but I love him. Would I be doing something wrong if I get married to him when he gets divorced?

W.A.

Dear W.A.,

The argument about divorce and re-marriage has been ongoing for centuries. Denominations have spilt over the subject, some for, some against. The argument will never end. Some people insist that when people get married, they are married for life, only death should separate them. Some denominations believe whether the marriage is good or bad, the couple should stick together. They believe, should one divorce and re-marry, that person would be living in sin.

My understanding, from a biblical perspective, is divorce means an end of the marriage. When a person is divorced, he/she does not have a wife or a husband so he/she is free to re-marry.

That's where I stand. I believe it would be wrong for me, as a counsellor, to condemn people who are divorced and wish to re-marry.

After this man is divorced, you both should go for counselling. You should be sure you love and want to be his wife. I would be happy to hear from you again.

Pastor