Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your staff. I am 20 years old and I am a regular listener to your radio show and a reader of your column. I hope you can help me. I am in love with this 30-year-old man. He is my second boyfriend. My first boyfriend and I broke up because I didn't want to follow his type of crowd - he got into smoking ganja and drinking out all his money. He was in a gang, so I lied to him and told him I was pregnant and that I needed money to have an abortion. He said I should not have any abortion, but I wasn't pregnant. I only told him so to get rid of him.

I cried one day when he came to see me and convinced him that I was pregnant and that I had made an appointment to see the doctor. He said if I went through with the abortion, we couldn't be friends anymore. The Monday morning, I called him and told him I was on my way to see the doctor and he cursed me disgracefully, called me a graveyard and said I should not call his phone. But in the evening, I called him back and told him that it was done. He cursed me again and this time he called me a murderer, so our relationship ended. I was without a boyfriend.

My new boyfriend, as you can see, is much older than I, but I love him. This man comes to see me at any time because my mother loves him. She did not like the other guy. I did not know my mother would allow him to sleep at the house. The first time he asked her if he could sleep over, she said yes because I am a big girl. I felt 'cute' having sex with my boyfriend while my mother's room was adjacent to mine. I was trying to keep my boyfriend quiet, but I couldn't keep quiet when we were doing a certain position.

When we were finished having sex, he wanted to use the bathroom but I told him no, so he urinated in two bottles. I love this man so much. Whenever he is around, it's like I am under a spell. He tells me that we can get married whenever I have finished with university.

My mother does not own her own home, so she would come and live with us. I am the last child and the only one living with my mother. I do not want my mother to live with me when I get married, but she is not very well and she does not have a pension from where she used to work.

This man told me he does not have any children. He carries two photographs of children in his wallet. He says they are his sister's children. Now, he has started to go to church, so we do not have sex often. As soon as I have finished with school, we will have our wedding and we will ask you to do it.

V.T.

Dear V.T.,

I believe that you could have left your former boyfriend without lying to him about being pregnant. Perhaps you forgot that this guy could have told all your friends that you were pregnant and terminated it. I could understand how eager you were to end the relationship with him because you did not see yourself having a future with him. He was not your type. He was in a gang and was pushing drugs, so I don't blame you for wanting to get out of the relationship, but I don't believe that the way you went about it was right.

Now, this guy that you love so much is blessed because he does not only have your love, but he has accepted by your mother. She sees good in him and she is happy for you. That's why I suppose she is allowing him to come and sleep at the house. Now, if this man was sharing a bed with you, your mother knew exactly what would go on. You were concerned about not making noise out of respect for your mother. You should not have been in the bedroom with him.

I hope that after you get married that you will accept your mother to live at your house. You have not said anything about your father or other siblings. I am assuming that your mother has had a real struggle in supporting you. Take good care of her.

Pastor