Dear Pastor,

I have been asking my friends to give me their opinion. I had a one-night stand with a man and that one-night stand turned out to be one year and three months. The problem is, he has a few women living overseas but we love each other and there are times that I want to give up on the relationship.

What do you think I should do?

Lover

Dear Lover,

I do not understand why you describe this as a one-night stand. When a man has a one-night stand, he does his thing and runs. He doesn't go back to where he visited, he moves on. And even if the woman begs him to come back, he makes excuses. If he goes back and she receives him again and opens the door she is telling him, "I love it". And she is telling him, "It's a pleasure to have you back, I love what both of us are doing."

That is exactly what you are telling this man because you say that both of you love each other. So, I repeat, don't talk about a one-night stand. You are one of this man's women. You say that he has girlfriends abroad. But you don't seem to care about that because evidently you think that you have what it takes to hold him. You don't see him as using you, oh no. You are living in hope that he would say goodbye to the women he has abroad. Well, so far he hasn't and I hate to disappoint you, it is unlikely that he will.

When his women come to Jamaica he has to behave himself and take care of them. When they are not here, he uses you as a spare tyre. So, may I ask you this question? Why are you allowing yourself to be used? Don't you know that as long as this man is around and people seeing both of you together that it will be difficult for you to establish a relationship with another man?

This man might be standing in the way of your progress. But you shouldn't blame him because you are the one who has given him access to your garden. I am sure you know what I mean. So, what are you going to do? Well, I can tell you what you should do. Stop complaining and tell the man that it is over a year now both of you have been fooling around and you can't take this anymore and you have made up your mind that something must be done about the relationship. It is either that he is going to drop the other women and settle with you or he should go his way. Mean what you say. Tell him that you want to hear from him very soon and in the meantime you are going to close the door to your garden.

Pastor