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June 29, 2015
Star Tell Me Pastor



 

living a lie for 11 years

Dear Pastor,

I am 34 and have been living a lie for a long time. When I was 23 I met a man and he was married. We had an affair. He took my virginity. We had an agreement that he would help me through university. He was 50. He kept his word. During the summer he employed me. His wife used to work with him but she never knew that we had a relationship. The only thing she questioned when he took me to work for the summer was that he was paying me more than the others. He told her that I was computer literate and that I would stay and help him when the others are gone if he needed me.

During the month of August she went off on vacation with two of his children. I told him I was tired so during the time that she was away he allowed me to stay home and rest. While we were together I did not want another man. After I graduated from university he helped me to get a job and we agreed to see each other less. With his permission I started to date other guys but could not get this man out of my mind. And no man could have satisfied me as this man.

He became ill and I visited him and when I saw him lying in bed and I could not help, I cried. I am married now but I do not love my husband. I am living a lie. This man got well and calls me occasionally. My husband is a skilled worker. We are living in our own home but it was this man who helped us with the down payment. My husband thinks that he is just a good friend but in my heart he is still my lover.

He loves politics but my husband does not like his party. My husband has never got me pregnant and I regret that I did not get pregnant for this man. I think it is time for me to tell my husband the truth and for us to agree to get a divorce. I am not enjoying my married life.

J.D

Dear J.D.,

What is it that you want to tell your husband? Are you going to say that you had an affair with this married man? And it was because of the relationship that both of you had in the past why he gave you the money to help you with the down payment on the house? Was it a gift or a loan? Is it that you want to tell your husband that you are not in love with him and that you have never been in love with him?

To be frank with you, this is a hard case for me. I know that I cannot encourage you to tell your husband all about your past and what you did with this married man. In my opinion, that is not necessary. But you can tell him that you are not happy with him. Be prepared to have good reasons to give him why you are not happy with him. If you were to say that you have never been in love, he is going to say that you are a deceiver and that women cannot be trusted. He may suggest that both of you go for counselling, and if he does, do not resist the suggestion.

I know you are prepared to leave him but have an open mind when you go to the counsellor.

Pastor



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