Dear Pastor,

I think men are sometimes blinded by sexual intensity. For instance, I believe the person that took my virginity raped me. I told him I did not want to have sex, yet he continued. I was 18 and he was 26. I met him on the bus. Two days after he called, he invited me to visit him at his house.

When I arrived, he kissed me. I did not return the kiss because I wasn't sure how to kiss a man. I sat on his bed and he started kissing me. He knelt in front of me and said he wanted to get to know me better. I told him I had never had sex and wasn't planning on doing so with him. He said, "Ok, no problem".

He started unzipping my trousers aggressively. I told him not to, but he continued. He bound both of my hands with one of his, and used his other hand to force his way into my vagina. He agreed not to have sex but he did it anyway.

He works in the public sector among young girls. I am sure this pervert is probably finding other victims.

Pastor, I just wanted to get it off my chest. Men should respect a woman's choice to refuse sex, even if she is cordial about it.

L.M.

Dear L.M.,

I regret knowing this man took advantage of you. You were careless, or perhaps naive. You went to this man's house alone after knowing him for only two days. You had no time to find out anything about his character or whether he was trustworthy.

When he held and kissed you, and started to toy with your body, you should have left immediately. You told him to stop but some men believe when a girl says stop, it's her way of saying, you may go ahead and do what you are doing.

You should have screamed or done something to him to prove you were not giving consent.

However, he continued to abuse you while giving the impression he would not have sex with you. He tricked you. He is a wicked man. That is why I said you were naive. You were an 18-year-old girl, who probably grew up sheltered, not knowing the dangers out there.

There are men who are always eager to find new prey. You lost your virginity but that is not how you had planned to lose it.

I understand your concern. You are wondering whether this man, who is working in an organisation where there are young girls, is molesting them. Perhaps he is wise enough not to do so. If he is doing that, it's just a matter of time before he is caught.

I hope you don't hate all men because of what this man has done. I would love to hear from you again. Please, if what has happened is haunting you, discuss the matter with a psychologist. My prayers are with you.

Pastor