Dear Pastor,

I am 43 and living overseas. I got married to a 53-year-old Jamaican man two years ago. He has seven kids and I have one. When I first saw this man, it was a chemical attraction. We got married six months after. He doesn't have anything. He doesn't make enough money either. I support him and recently got him a new job through a friend.

One or two months after, I discovered in his phone a message from another woman asking, "Baby how do you feel? I miss you."

I told him what I saw and told him to call the person. He was nervous and said he did not have any credit. I gave him my phone and he called her. He quickly hung up when she answered.

When he went to work, I recorded her phone number in my phone. I called her again. she said she was going to spoil my marriage because she was 27 years old, and pregnant by my husband, who left her because of me.

I spoke with my husband about what she said. he said he was trying to say it to me before, but was not sure the baby was his, and didn't want to lose me. I was so angry and furious because I am from a different culture. with me, honesty is a principal part of relationships.

I asked how long were they involved. I am a medical professional. sometimes persons don't get pregnant by having sex once. He admitted they had sex more, than three times and she was about five months pregnant.

I told him he was cheating on me when we were planning our wedding. He said it happened before our relationship. I confirmed after when the baby was born. It was three months before our relationship.

My husband supported her right throughout her pregnancy, after he said he was not sure who the child's father was. He asked me how it would seem if he were the father and didn't support her. the baby has the same skin tone and toes as my husband, so the child belongs to him.

On our first wedding anniversary, I discovered another message of another girl talking about my husband's private part. He said it was a mistake. I called her and she said she was going to fight me. I was so angry again and was trying to get a divorce.

My husband has changed totally. We are in love with each other. I have not seen my husband being involved with anybody else. He helps me with everything. When I was sick, he was always beside me. He calls my family frequently. The most important thing is that I love him like crazy. I know he loves me as well. I got pregnant three times for him. I aborted the pregnancies because I told him he was not going to stop cheating on me. I do not want to have a child with him.

My concern is, can I trust him fully again? I do not want my husband to cheat on me again because, if I discover that he is cheating, I will divorce him. Should I stay with him or give him the divorce if he does it again?

A.Z.

Dear Pastor,

At least, your husband told the truth. I get the impression you are a very aggressive woman and are totally controlling this man. He fooled around with other women and got one pregnant. He admitted it. this other girl you called also admitted she had a relationship with him.

Your husband and yourself made up. you now have him under your thumb, so to speak. He is doing whatever you want him to . At the same time, you got pregnant three times and you aborted the pregnancies. Therefore, I am not impressed with your conduct. You give the impression that you are so morally upright and condemn your husband for his conduct. At the same time, you refuse to carry your pregnancies. So you aborted them.

I say, shame on you. While you were condemning your husband, you were not looking at yourself. The girl your husband, got pregnant, she carried the pregnancy. I say, good woman, bad wife. Your life was not in danger;. Therefore, you should not have terminated your pregnancies.

Pastor