Dear Pastor,

I would like to tell you about my experience with my wife. We got married recently and went on our honeymoon. We did not engage in sex before we got married. We got to our hotel late after the wedding and both of us were very tired. I wanted sex, but she begged me to wait, so we slept. In the morning, I asked her for sex and she did everything not to have sex with me. She said she had never taken off her clothes before any man, so I reminded her that I was not any man, I was her husband.

I tried to lift up her nightie, but she wouldn't allow me. I forced it and tore her clothes. The whole day she was vexed. I could not go for breakfast because I wondered if I had bought puss in bag.

For the week that we were together, she never had sex with me during the day. The room was not very bright and we did not have the lights on.

I called her mother after the third day to talk to her and that made it worse. No sex at all took place in the day, so I want to know if my wife is normal.

The first night when she agreed to have sex, I passed my finger all over her vagina to see if she was normal. She didn't even want me to come into the bathroom when she was in there. Another thing: when we had sex, my wife did not bleed and she told me when I met her that she was a virgin. I did not hear her groan when I started to have sex with her.

It looks like I have been tricked. I feel I wasted my money going on a honeymoon and I am watching to see whether she will get pregnant.

What advice do you have to give me?

N.S.

Dear N.S.,

I can see why you came to the conclusion that your wife is not normal. I am sure that by now you realise that she is normal. You have examined her without actually seeing the garden. That must be very rough. Which normal man would like to have that kind of foolish experience?

Now, having said the above, let me hasten to say that this woman has inhibitions. She said that she had never been naked in the presence of a man, therefore, she found it difficult to strip naked before you. Whenever women are like that, their men have to assist them on their wedding night by taking off their clothes piece by piece, and even then, their wives might try to run under the sheet, but after the first sexual experience or so, these women do not find it difficult to take off their clothes in the presence of their men. The inhibitions disappear.

Now, you were there for one week with your wife, and during the week, she refused to have sex with you during the day. What was she hiding? I hope that will change; however, that is enough reason for you and your wife to go and see a family counsellor. This cannot continue. This one is difficult.

I would say to you my friend, you are a man of great patience. Don't do anything silly. You have a lot of work to do, but I hope your wife will cut out her foolish behaviour because she should know by now that she is in danger of losing you.

Pastor