Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am having a problem. I am a Christian, but I have been having problems with sex. I have always had this problem. I like sex and I have been having sex from I was 17 years old. I started out having sex with a man who was twice my age. He was my dear friend and very kind to me. I knew he did not have a girlfriend at the time and I went out with him and I agreed to sleep at his house. He warned me before I went to his house that we are going to have sex and I told him that was OK. We did have sex that night and, before he took me home the Sunday morning, we did it again. I lied to my mother and told her that I slept at my girlfriend's house and she believed me.

This man and I continued to be friends and were having sex until I became a Christian. I was never out of money. When I became a Christian, he told me he would look for somebody older because he wanted to get married. I did not hold that against him and he made it easier for me when he found the girl and showed me her picture and asked me if I liked her. I told him yes and I approved. I cried, but I did not let him know. I told him I will give him a goodbye sex, but when we met he hugged and kissed me, but we did not have sex.

As I said, sex is always my problem, even as a Christian.

Two years ago, I fell in love with a good guy. He loves to preach. I think he is too good a guy for me. I have never seen him naked. I told him that men always say that they don't want to buy "puss in bag", so I am willing to do it with him and I want to know what I am getting, too. I asked him suppose we get married and he can't do anything, what would I do? He said that would not happen.

One day I went to his apartment to do something for him and I decided to test him. When I knew he was coming home I had my shower and went into his bed and pretended I was sleeping. I covered with the sheet. When he came in I pulled off the sheet and exposed myself to him. And would you believe, he ran out of the room and was very upset. He wants sex after we are married to be special.

This man makes me feel that I am a big sinner. Our wedding is set for January 2016. I can't wait to have sex with him. I hope he wouldn't disappoint me. Am I a bad Christian for thinking this way?

E.M

Dear E.M.,

May I make a suggestion to you? You are having great difficulty in coping without having sex. Your fiancé and yourself could move forward your wedding date and have a private wedding and have a bashment at a later date. I am afraid that you may do something stupid and cause a problem between your fiancé and yourself. You see, the Bible says, "It's better to be married than to burn", with passion. Your fiancé seems to be able to deal with sexual urges much better than you. Not many men would have resisted such a temptation from their women.

I am not going to condemn you. You are not bad. You know how you feel, but I am going to beg you, try your best not to cheat on this man. I hope you told him that you were sorry for trying to seduce him. There are many things you can do to help yourself while you prepare for your wedding day. Your fiancé and yourself can discuss these things with your family counsellor during premarital counselling.

Pastor