Dear Pastor,

I am a 60-year-old woman and I have one son. He lives at my house. That was an agreement we made before he got married. I am a poor woman. He went away and studied and, while he was away, I rented out his room and was getting a little money. When he returned to Jamaica, he got married. I never liked the girl he married. She had no manners to me. She would come to see him and pass me without saying 'good evening' or 'good morning'.

My son spoke to her, but she never changed.

He told her that if she doesn't have any manners to me, he couldn't marry her, but by the time he decided not to marry her, she got pregnant. My son did not want to have any child outside of wedlock, so he spoke to me about it and he decided to marry her. I did not want to attend the wedding, but people said it would look bad to have one child getting married and not attend the wedding.

Moved in

After the wedding, she moved in with him. I don't care about them. I leave them alone. Sometimes I hear them arguing and telling each other hot words, but I close my door and pretend that I am not hearing them. She likes to hit. She hit him and he did not hit her back. He just warned her. She cooks when she feels like. I make sure that I cook so he can have dinner if she doesn't cook. I can't let my son go to bed hungry. This girl does not want him to give me any money.

My son would like to have another child, but not with this Jezebel. Imagine she is in my house and raising her voice at my son.

F.E.

Dear F.E.,

Evidently your son made a bad choice. When he saw the behaviour of this young woman and how disrespectful she was to you, he should not have married her. Too many young women are very disrespectful to their mothers-in-law. However, I do not mean to imply that all mothers-in-law are good. Some are very miserable and they try to control their daughters-in-law. Some have never accepted their daughters-in-law as good enough for their sons.

I believe that your son made a mistake when he decided to get married and to live in your house. He should have moved out and rented a place of his own and allowed you to continue to earn an income from your house by, renting it to strangers. When a young man is ready to be married, he should try to find a place of his own. Let me hasten, however, to say that circumstances differ. Some mothers-in-law love their daughters-in-law and would do anything to help them. They do not interfere in the domestic affairs of these women and their husbands.

Now, I am not here to judge, but I believe from time to time you might have said something to upset this woman. I could be wrong. If you have not done anything wrong, this girl is not wise, because she should know that by living at your house, her husband and herself are saving a lot.

I hope that your son would be able to purchase a home of his own and leave you to live in peace. And I hope also that he will never hit his wife, even though from time to time he might be tempted to do so, because she does not know how to control her tongue.

Pastor