Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I know you are busy, but please answer me and give me your advice. I am 19 years old and I come from a very religious family. I have four brothers and one sister. I am the older sister. My parents are always telling me to keep my head up high and not to let them down.

I have a boyfriend and he is really liked by everybody in the family. My boyfriend is eager for us to get married. He is 23 years old. I wasn't fully ready because I have two more years in university. When my boyfriend asked my father for my hand in marriage, he said he would be very proud to walk me down the aisle. My father did not know that I had told my boyfriend that we should wait.

My father was so excited he called everybody in the family and told them that I am getting married, so I decided to go along with it, and I would try not to get pregnant until I have finished university. My boyfriend and I got engaged on Easter Sunday and we had sex on Easter Monday for the first time and we did it at the beach in the water. I almost died with pain because he held me and spread my legs. This man is slim built but has a large penis.

We have been having sex, but every time we do, I feel pain. I told him that I want to go to the doctor about the problem and he said that that would be wasting money, I would get accustomed to having sex with him. We didn't have sex for a whole week to give my vagina time to heal, but when we did it again, it was the same thing: pain.

I love my boyfriend so much, but whenever we are together and he holds me, I know it is because he wants sex and I start to tremble. What can I do?

N.W.

Dear N.W.,

First of all let me say that I am happy to hear that you are getting married and that nobody is forcing you to get married. You would have preferred to do it at a later date after university, but your father has caused you to push the date earlier. I can understand how excited he is to know that his older daughter is getting married.

Concerning the pains that you are experiencing during sex, I suggest that you discuss the matter again with your fiancé and tell him that you believe it would be helpful if you saw a gynaecologist and that he should accompany you. It is not enough for him to assure you that all will be well after he has sex with you many times. Well, so far, you are still in pain.

Whether this man's penis is too large for you, I cannot tell, but a doctor will give his or her professional advice.

Pastor