Dear Pastor

I graduated from a well-known college. While I was there, I fell in love with a man who attended the same institution.

He did not tell me he had a girlfriend or that she was pregnant when we met. We went out on dates often. Word got to his babymother that he had a girlfriend at college.

The girl got my name and wrote me, begging me to leave her man alone. She did not blame me for getting involved with him. She said she knew he didnt mention anything about her to me. I called her and asked her to explain the relationship she had with him.

She told me everything, but my boyfriend denied her claims. He said he knew her and he knew she was pregnant, but the child was not his. I asked him to call her and put the phone on speaker, but he said no.

Pastor, I ended our relationship. He broke down and cried and said he was not going anywhere. I started to cry also. In my heart, I wanted to believe him, but I knew he was lying. When we separated that night, he kept calling but I didnt answer.

I missed him so much that, after two weeks, I called and told him I wanted to forgive him, but I didn't know how to. We decided to go out and he confessed. He said the woman was telling the truth. He claimed he was afraid that if he had told me, I'd leave him. I was eating a burger and, when he told me that he had lied, I couldn't finish my meal.

This man took my virginity knowing he had a pregnant girlfriend. He promised to marry me. I told him I would not marry him because he had a babymother and he should be with her and his daughter. I tried to avoid him, but he held on until we graduated.

He returned to his home in rural Jamaica and I stayed in Kingston. He came to visit every two weeks and, for three years, he kept promising to marry me.

After a while, his visits became infrequent. I found out he got a second child with the same woman. He claims it was a mistake.

While with him, I became friendly with another man. I could not commit fully to this other man for two reasons.

He had another woman and he was a public figure. We had sex a couple of times. Pastor, can you believe that the man who has two children is still telling me to wait for him? I still love him. I am now 27 years old. What should I do?

Y.L.

Dear Y.L.,

I suggest that you find something to occupy your time. Go back to school and keep yourself occupied. You have a bachelor's degree, go and do post graduate work. Get yourself a master's degree. At your age, you should not allow men play you for a fool. You have made mistakes, but the mistakes should cause you to be more cautious and become a wiser person.

This man you met in college does not have any intention of marrying you. He hugged you and cried, but his tears were used to trick you.

Men don't always cry because they regret what they have done.

If this man regretted what he did, he would not have impregnated the woman for the second time.

So, as much as you love him, put him behind you. You are fortunate that he did not get you pregnant.

If you continue to fool around with him, you may become his second babymother.

The gentleman whom you described as a public figure was able to have sex with you a couple of times.

Therefore, you have not been careful. Put that behind you also. He is not going to marry you either.

In fact, right now, you need to give yourself a break until your heart is healed, so to speak, from these relationships.

The worst thing you can do now is to get involved with another man.

Pastor