Dear Pastor,

I am having sleepless nights over a woman. I have been admiring her for a long time. This woman is married, but before she got married, I was interested in her and I told her so. I told her that I liked her, but she never showed any interest in me. She had this boyfriend and she kept it as a secret. She never went out with me.

She went away and called me and told me that she was getting married. I said, "Oh no!" and she said, "Oh yes!". I asked her why, and she said her parents were encouraging her to marry to get her stay in America, but I still have a chance if the relationship doesn't work.

The marriage is working out, so I do not have a chance, but sometimes when I am at home alone, my mind is on her and I cannot sleep.

I have a girlfriend, but I do not love her as much as I love this girl in America. Even when we are having sex, for me to ejaculate I have to think about this girl in America. I find myself drinking and smoking because of this girl. I am not a womaniser. Only this girl can make me happy in life, but she is with another man, and it is so hard to deal with.

What do you suggest that I do?

H.C.

Dear H.C.,

I believe that you need professional help, so I am suggesting that you make an appointment to see a family counsellor or psychologist. You have been admiring the woman for many years. That is not unusual for a man to do. You were hoping that both of you would establish a good relationship and eventually you would marry her. She didn't encourage you, but she did not reject you totally either. Perhaps if she had not gone to live in the States things would have been different between the both of you, but she left and married another man and she is happy with that man.

This woman has not fooled you. She has told you the truth. She gave you a little hope by saying if things didn't work out with her husband she would marry you, but the future between the both of you now is dark. It is time, therefore, for you to put her behind you, so to speak. You have a girlfriend, so you should show your love and affection

to her.

In life, it's not everything you want you will get. you should know that. I don't want you to lose your mind over this woman, therefore, I am suggesting that you call a family counsellor or psychologist and make an appointment to see him or her about this matter.

Pastor