Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I wrote to you when I was pregnant with my first child and you gave me your advice. I now have two children for the same man and I am living at my parents' home. This man has a child with another woman. I am tired of the situation. I want to get out of the relationship with him because there is no progress with this man.

He has a good job but he is very mean; for the three years we have been friends, he only gives me $3,000 a week for the children and for myself. Three thousand dollars, pastor, and that's all. Even during holidays I have to beg and plead with him to give me more, and he is always warning me not to get involve with any man otherwise he would do such-and-such.

I am a very attractive girl and I can get other man. I have been a good girl to this man but I have found a guy who loves me. We have been good friends for a long time but nothing more. Recently, the relationship has gone further. He comes by to see me and my mother asked me if I like him and I told her yes but I am afraid of my children's father. She told me I should take care of myself.

The first time he gave me money it was $7,000 to do my hair and to buy some things that I needed. I was so glad. When he left, I went into my room and cried. Since that time he has been giving me money, but we have not gone to bed. I know it is just a matter of time before we do so. I love him. I asked my children's father how much money he gives to his other babymother and he told me he gives her $2,000 a week. Pastor, if she could get $2,000 a week and she only has one child, don't you think I should get at least four?

Sometimes when he comes to see me he sleeps over and I have to be ready for him. I can't deal with just getting $3,000 from him and I am not working. It is not enough.

Another problem I have with him is that he likes to search my things. He didn't even want me to use birth control. Pastor, please help me.

S.F.

Dear S.F.,

I can tell you straight up that $3,000 a week for two children is not enough, especially if the mother of the children has to squeeze some of that money to support herself. It is good that he is giving you money, but $3,000 is definitely not enough and this man should know that.

You are going to have to try your very best to get a job so that you can help yourself. Although you did not say it, I am assuming that your mother would help by keeping the kids while you are at work. You should work out an arrangement with her to at least give her some money per week for taking care of the children.

Some men are really hard. How could this man expect you not to want money to take care of yourself? He wouldn't want another man to look at you and yet he is not prepared to support you.

Concerning the man who has been showing interest in you, you know the risk you are taking. Circumstances have caused you to be encouraging this man to visit you. However it would be better if you were to end the relationship with your children's father first. What should happen is that your children's father should only support his children and the intimacy between the both of you should come to an end so that he would not consider you his woman.

I am afraid that if both of you don't end your relationship and he were to become aware that another man is seeing you, he may try to physically abuse you. I believe that you ought to tell this man that you want to bring the relationship between the both of you to a close, but you expect him to support his children. Do not take it for granted that he would just walk away. He may put up a fight and he may begin to say nasty things about you, but if you are serious about ending the relationship with him you will have to stand your ground. Ask your mother and other members of the family to stand with you. If he threatens you, report him to the police.

In the interim, ask the young man who loves you not to make himself visible at all.

Pastor