Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your staff. I am a 20-year-old young man. I am in love with a 40-year-old woman. This woman told my mother that she loves me. She and my mother used to be good friends, but since she told my mother that, my mother told me to keep away from her. And my mother told her that she should find a man her age and she is surprised that she wants to spoil me. My mother never asked me if I loved her, but whenever I am going out she tells me to make sure I come straight home and not to stop at that woman's house.

Sometimes my mother grumbles a lot over this woman, but it is my mother who caused me to get involved with this woman. My mother left my brother and I with the woman. When she was going to America, she asked the woman if my brother and I could stay with her until she returned. She spent three months and the woman was in charge of us.

One night my brother and I had to sleep in her room with her because a workman was doing some work in our room. We slept on the same bed with her and during the night this woman started to play with my penis and I tried to pull away but it felt nice, so I stopped pulling away.

In the morning when my little brother was gone to school she teased me and told me that for a little boy I was a big man. I asked her what she meant and she said I have a very big penis and she wanted us to try sex. I told her that she is a big woman. She said, yes, that is why she wanted to teach me some things. We didn't have to sleep with her again because the workman was finished what he was doing but when my brother was sleeping she came into the room where we were and called me. I went and she pulled off my pyjamas and started to romance me. I was afraid, but she put me on her and we had sex.

My mother should not be cursing this woman because it is her fault. She left us there with the woman and now I don't want to leave her. I am not going to leave her. She is my first woman and although she could be my mother I see a future with her. For instance, if she dies she would leave the house for me. That's what she told me because she doesn't have children and my mother is having a hard time paying rent.

Every day I think of her and one day I am going to leave my mother and go and live with her. I am learning a trade. I want to go to HEART.

L.H.

Dear L.H.,

I feel very sorry for you. Your mother should not be blamed for what is happening to you now. She did not even think that this woman would have sexually harassed you or be a cougar. She took this woman as a friend and a decent woman and the woman did not behave as a guardian, at least to you. She became your lover, shame on her. And you are so naïve. You believe that you are in love with this woman and she is in love with you.

This woman has no shame. She has disgraced herself, but you don't see it that way. She is so eager for you to be in her company that she is not ashamed to let your mother know how she feels about you. No one should blame your mother for getting angry at this woman and for condemning her. You need to keep away from her. This type of relationship is not good.

Pastor