Dear Pastor,

I need your help. I have a girlfriend and we are living in the same community but people are telling me that she is not a good enough girl for me. All the men in the community know about her. Even one of my brothers told me he had sex with her. I thought he was telling me that to get me to leave her because he believes that she is not good enough for me.

One evening, my brother and I were travelling together in his car and I told him that he should drop me off at her house because I wanted to see her. He told me that he can drop me there, but it would be better for me to go straight to my house because she has too many men. And he hit his chest and said, "Me go deh to." That was the second time he was telling me that, so I did not bother to stop.

Confused

This is the only girl I have had sex with in my life. She told me that she has had sex with other guys, but she is not doing it anymore with anybody else but me. So, I asked her about my brother and she said she never had sex with him and the reason why he is against her is because he asked her for sex many times and she told him no.

Pastor, I am confused and I want you to help me to make a decision about this girl.

L.B

Dear L.B.,

This young woman was probably popular and sometimes people equate popularity with promiscuity. They believe that when a girl is popular and gets along well with members of the opposite sex she is sleeping with many or all of them, but that is not necessarily true. In any case, this young woman admitted to you that she has had sex with a few guys. That does not mean she is bad. Your brother told you that he has had sex with her. She said he has asked her for sex and his reason for telling you negative things about her is because she has turned him down.

Perhaps this young woman is speaking the truth. Old time people say, "When fox can't get the grape him say it sour." Somebody is lying. It is either the young lady is lying to make you believe that she is a good woman or your brother is lying to discourage you from having a relationship with her and making her your wife.

I hesitate to say what I am about to say. Nevertheless, at the risk of being condemned, I would say to you, If you really love this woman you may marry her and if in the future you found out that she was lying you should forgive her.

Pastor