Dear Pastor,

I am 21. I have been dating a married man for two years. When I first saw him, he was the guest speaker at my graduation. I fell in love with him because he was neatly dressed. While he was addressing the graduates, he was staring at me.

At the end of the graduation, I thanked him for his challenging speech. He slipped me his business card and said, "Turn the card over and you will see my cell number."

One of the graduates standing nearby and said, "My, you lucky!"

Three weeks after, I called. He said he was thinking about me all the time and was wondering why I hadn't called. I told him I was scared to call because I knew he was married.

He told me, yes, he was married but that has nothing to do with us and we should go for lunch. I agreed.

On the day of the date, he called and said he wanted us to go for dinner instead. He said he would have sent someone to pick me up. He did not send his driver, he picked me up himself. I enjoyed the evening with him.

He told me he is too known to go to certain places. I was job hunting and he helped me to get a job. I am still there. He bought me everything I needed, suits, shoes, handbags and even sent me to the hairdresser. I got to love this man.

We were friends for six months and he didn't ask me for sex so I offered and was shocked when he said he was not ready to have sex with me. I told him I was ready and I told him I was ready, immediately. He was not prepared so when he dropped me home, I told him not to call me again. I was hurt because he was playing with my feelings.

I did not see him for two weeks so I called a guy and told him to take me out. He is a poor guy but he drives a car. After dinner, we started to fool around and ended up having sex in his car. I got pregnant. He did not want any children and I did not want the child.

Afterwards, I heard from my boyfriend. Being two months pregnant, I had an abortion. Now, this man is back in my life and I feel awful. I feel like telling him what happened but am afraid he will cut me off. He gives me everything I want though I am working.

I want you to tell me what I should tell him. I only cheated on him once and got pregnant.

L.O.

Dear L.O.,

If anybody calls you dumb, don't get angry because you have behaved as if you are headless. You have an education but no common sense. I am sure you want me to comment on how you met this man, so I'm acknowledging that both of you were attracted to each other.

You believe while he was speaking at your graduation he was staring at you. That is not necessarily so. Good speakers are trained to deliver using good eye contact.

They look straight at the audience. Individuals may get the impression the speaker is staring directly at them, but they are not.

Nevertheless, there was some connection between you and him. You approached him. He gave you his private number. You called and were eager to become intimate with him.

He could have avoided you so I am not going to condemn or blame you. As adults, you both decided to date. You knew he was married but that did not prevent you. Neither is faultless.

When he told you he was not ready to have sex with you, you overreacted, and had sex with someone else. People may believe you had sex with another person, to not only satisfy your sexual urges, but also to punish this man because you felt rejected.

You lost your head, so to speak. You did not even allow the fellow to use a condom. To make matters worse, you got pregnant and terminated the pregnancy.

You want to know whether you should tell the man you had a relationship with another guy and got pregnant.

Unfortunately, you are on your own with this one. There are times when 'what a man doesn't know can't kill him', but there are times he needs to know so he can 'save his own life'.

I want to know how a girl could be so hot, hotter than fire, that she could not control herself. She had to grab a man, and have sex and not even protect herself from pregnancy and STDs. I repeat, you are on your own with this matter.

Pastor