Dear Pastor,

I got married when I was 18. I was converted at an early age. People encouraged the man who got me pregnant to get baptised but they didn't know he wasn't serious about God. He backslid soon after he was baptised. He became a horrible man. We've had an on-and-off relationship - the marriage totally failed.

We have been separated for 17 years. I want to divorce him and move on with my life but my pastor says if I divorce him, I cannot testify in church or take part in the church until he dies. I feel like running away. He is only 49 and I am 42.

Is my life condemned by God? I feel like giving up.

Condemned

Dear Condemned,

It is very unfortunate that those who have tried to counsel you are ignorant about what the Bible teaches about divorce. Your pastor is behaving as if he has received a direct message from God. The Bible does not teach that a divorced person cannot testify or be active in a church unless his/her former spouse has died. That is not in the Bible at all. That is a man-made rule.

Your husband broke his vows and walked out on you, and for over 17 years you have been alone. Any pastor who tells you that you ought not to be divorced is trying to punish you, and you should not allow that to happen. You should not listen to the nonsense that the pastor is saying. Many churches make up their own doctrines and many of these doctrines are unscriptural.

May I suggest, therefore, that you stop punishing yourself and start filing for your divorce. If you are uncertain as to where to go, you can call my office and I will suggest how you can go about it and which lawyer you can contact.

Pastor