Dear Pastor,

Keep on doing your good work. I have a daughter for a man that I am madly in love with, but he is married. We worked together for years, and I have always been there for him. He got married after we spent a year and a half together, and I begged him not to marry this woman. I wanted to be his wife and was planning to attend the wedding to stop it, but he begged me not to. I went as far as taking him home and he met my family, all in an effort to change his mind. I decided that I would give him a daughter as I knew he loved girls and I was desperate to go the extra mile to have his mind changed from this woman.

My problem is that his wife does not treat him the way she should, and I hate that. She literally does not care about him, and he often tells me when she gets on his nerves. He says she constantly complains about me. I want this man so bad I am considering taking the risk to go talk to her and have her know that we are together and she cannot stop us no matter how much she tries.

Maybe that way, she will give him the divorce that he wants. I do not see what he sees in this woman. I am better looking, more educated. In my job I am in a very good position and my pay is four times what he earns. I can more than take care of him.

I seriously want this man. What do you suggest, Pastor? He is not happy with this woman and I know I can make it work for us.

O.B.

Dear O.B.,

I believe that you genuinely love this man. Perhaps you would have made him a better wife. His wife knows that he still loves you, and that is why she curses him about you. She knows the love that you have for each other has not died. What she doesn't know is that by cursing this man, she is bringing both of you closer together. Both of you work together and I am sure that you dress up to attract him. You might even say that his wife has the ring, but you have the man. I am also sure that he has given you the impression that he does not love his wife as much as he loves you, and he cannot understand why he has made such a grave mistake by marrying her.

Please understand that I am not sanctioning what you are doing. I am only judging from what you have said - that this man has weak knees when it comes to you. The question is, on what grounds will he divorce his wife? Evidently, she doesn't have another man and she is not cheating. She might be miserable, but face it, he is the cause. If you were to go to her and tell her that you will continue to be her nightmare, she doesn't have to leave her man because you told her that. She already knows that the relationship that you have with her man is open and you would do wicked things to frustrate her because you want her to leave him.

May I suggest that you keep away from this woman. There is something called prayer. If you harass this woman, she may turn to God and ask God to deal with you for her. So my suggestion is leave the woman alone.

You and the man are carrying on, but that does not give you the right to make his wife feel like a doormat. Remember, you are a woman, too, and God will remember this woman's tears. I hope you will listen to me. Don't do any wickedness; it may turn back on you.

Pastor