One of my best friends got married, and it was a great event, and even better to catch up with everyone. Weddings tend to do that - get friends and family together to celebrate the union of two people who love each other. Amidst all the laughter, tears, kisses, and alcohol, weddings also tend to make single people feel inadequate.

First there are the questions from the married friends and family, "When are you getting married?" or "What are you waiting for?" or "Don't you think it's time you settle down?" Of course, the Christians in the group have to add some guilt with "Fornicating is a sin; you need to make it official". Personally, I am not a fan of weddings - I don't like the dress, the vows, the cake - and I think too much emphasis is placed on this event and not the marriage itself.

Marriage, I don't have an issue with - committing to joining with one person on a journey for mutual happiness - it's a great idea, but I think the 'till death do us part' part is unrealistic.

A quick glance at the statistics show that marriages are fewer and divorces are increasing. According to Statistical Institute of Jamaica in 2010, for example, 20,489 couples got married - a reduction from 21,412 the year before - while divorces increased to 2,371 from 1853 in 2009.

There are many persons who have varied theories on why so many marriages are ending. Personally, I think that some relationships are not built to last forever, and one should not feel obligated to stay in a marriage, even after it is no longer working. This is a big reason why I believe marriage licences should have an expiry date. Here are a few others:

1. A marriage is a contract, and like other contracts, it should have an exit clause.

2. The truth is, many marriages are not for love. so whatever the purpose, once it is achieved, a couple shouldn't have to go through the challenging divorce process to end it.

3. There are marriages that have ended for years, but both partners can't afford to get divorced. if the license simply expired, then they could move on.

4. Renewing the licence is an indication that the parties are choosing to stay married and not just serving a sentence.

5. Many persons stay together for their children, but this is not always best, because the children can pick up on the tension between their unhappy parents, and that can do more harm than good.

Unnecessary marriage

This is not an attempt to be negative about marriage, merely to show that being married a long time is not necessarily a good thing. The quality of the union is more important than the amount of time a couple stays together.

Look at it this way, prisoners are doing sentences for years, but that is not necessarily a good thing. That is why I am not impressed when I hear of the decades that a couple has been married for. I want to hear about the happy times and the strength of their relationship, not the length of time served. Ultimately, when choosing a life partner, be clear about what you want, and don't settle for less because you are afraid to be alone.

Question

Dear Dr. Sexy,

I am a 20-year-old female, for who sex is a hobby. however, I have a problem expressing what's inside my head out loud to my partner during sex. It is very irritating to him, and it irritates me knowing that he wants to know what's going on in my head, but I cannot get the words out. I think my shyness has something to do with it, but whenever we have sex talks, I express myself quite fine. The words flow perfectly. What could be a possible solution to my problem?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Expressing yourself is important, and I understand you are shy, so practice. Stand in front of the mirror and say what you want to say during sex. I know it will feel weird, but hearing it out loud will help you feel more confident, and you will be able to express yourself when the time comes. When you feel more comfortable with words, you can try phone sex with your boyfriend until you are ready to do it in person.

Good luck,

Dr Sexy-Ann

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or Tweet me @drsexylive or Facebook www.facebook.com/allaboutthesexy