Dear Pastor

I am a 50-year-old man and I am a widower. My wife died a year and a half ago. And I am interested in a church sister. She is 60. She invited me for dinner a few times and I went. I enjoyed the dinner and her company. One Sunday she made my favourite drink, carrot juice, and whatever she put in it caused me to fall asleep. I slept for about two hours. I didn't think anything of it.

The following Sunday I was invited again but my daughter discouraged me from going. She said that she believed that the woman was trying to tie me. My daughter is a nurse and we get along very well. I told her that she was talking nonsense. She said that she was not talking nonsense and if I went, I should not drink anymore carrot drink from her. Well, it was not carrot juice this time, pastor, it was soursop juice and I did not fall asleep.

I am interested in marrying this woman. Every time I look at her in her shorts my knees get weak and I have an erection. My daughter says her mother has been dead for only one year and six months and it is too soon for me to be talking about getting married again. This woman and I are having sex and I don't want to continue having sex with her and we are not married.

Every night when I am in my bed I see this woman before me. I also had a dream and in the dream I saw my wife and she held on to my penis and told me that she knows what I am doing and it is alright with her, I can marry this woman. I told my daughter that I had a dream and I saw her mother and that she told me that I can get married again and she told me that I should remember that this woman will not be allowed to live in her mother's house. So if the woman has that in mind she will never agree to it.

The woman has her own house and all her children are living abroad so I can live with her at her house. Do you think I should wait another year or two before I can marry? I patiently await your reply.

D. B.

Dear D.B.

It does not appear to me that your daughter wants you to get married again. She has raised three issues; (1). Not enough time has passed since her mother has died; (2). She believes that your woman friend is trying to tie you and (3). She does not want the woman to come and live at your house.

In the meantime, you know what you are feeling. You know that you have sexual needs and you have fallen in love with this 60-year-old woman. Your daughter has a right to her opinion and you cannot totally ignore what she says. But she should try to understand that you feel for a woman and this woman is not only for companionship. You are not a young man but at the same time your body is not dead.

I therefore suggest that you go to see a family counsellor and discuss your situation with him/her. And I further suggest because property is involved, that you see a lawyer to seek what are the ramifications if you marry this woman.

Pastor