Dear Pastor

I have a 18-year-old daughter. She has a boyfriend. Since she's had this boyfriend, we are not living as we did before. We used to get along well and talk the things that mother and daughter would share. I made a mistake by telling her that I started to have sex when I was 16 years old. When she told me that she was going to spend the weekend with her boyfriend, I objected. She told me that I shouldn't object because I started having sex when I was 16.

One weekend, she left the house from Friday because she was taking part in a wedding on the Saturday. She said all of the bridesmaids were staying together from the Friday and getting dressed at the same place together. I agreed. When I did not see her the Saturday night after the wedding and it was getting late, I called her. When she answered the phone I asked her where she was. She said that she was spending the night with her boyfriend and she told me that she was over 18 and she wants to stay with him. She did not come home until Sunday night and we had an argument and I slapped her and she slapped me back. I was very surprised. I raised this girl without a father and this is what I got in return.

She is now living with the guy and he is not working. I miss my daughter, but every time I remember her hitting me, it makes me not want to see her. Please give me your fatherly advice.

F.G.

Dear F.G.

Your daughter is rude, out of order and disrespectful. Some folks may say that you should not have divulged at what age you had sex. But because of the type of relationship that both of you had, you probably thought you could have shared such information with her. Her behaviour has proven you wrong.

Your daughter has absolutely no manners and, frankly, you should leave her where she is. She is an adult and she has decided to move out and live with her boyfriend. You would have preferred that she stayed home until she is older, but that is not what she wants. Now that she has abused you physically and declared her independence, leave her alone. I know that you have recognised that you should not have hit her, but a good daughter would not retaliate by slapping her mother.

Your daughter will come to realise that what she has done is wrong. My dear, she is young and will realise that she needs you and she is likely to come home. Call her on her birthday and on important days, but don't ask her to come home.

Pastor