Dear Pastor,

I am 30 and I have been married for two years. My wife is three years younger than I. We have been having sex before we got married and since we are married I don't use the condom; she is not on the pill. I have done everything to get her pregnant. Even my own father told me what position I should put my wife when having sex to make her get pregnant, but nothing has happened. She spoke with some married women and they also told her what she should try, but no luck.

My wife is very worried. Sometimes she is depressed. She is working and I am working, so supporting a child or a couple children will not be a problem to us. I am getting worried because my wife told me that she is willing to have sex with another man to see if that man could get her pregnant, and if she does so, that would be the end of our marriage.

Now she has confessed that she is being punished because when she was 17 years old, almost 18, she got pregnant and she was taken somewhere and had an abortion. I did not know that before because I knew her as a Christian. Both of us have been to doctors and they say that we should just relax. I told my wife that if she will go to another man then I will go to another woman, and I would not take her back.

Please give me your advice.

H.M.

Dear H.M.,

This story is old. As a counsellor, I have counselled couples who do not have children but yearn to have. And some women have cheated and have gotten pregnant and have given the children to their husbands. The men know that they are not the biological fathers, but they accept the children so that their friends would not look at them and tease them by telling them that they are 'shooting blanks'.

Your wife should not yield to the temptation of having sex with another man to try and get pregnant. If she loves you, she should just follow the advice of her doctor and leave everything in God's hands. And you should not threaten her that you would go to other women to prove that nothing is wrong with you and you can impregnate a woman.

Having said the above, I would admit that many females who have had abortions have never gotten pregnant again. I don't say that to cause you to give up. I am just stating a fact. But here is the encouraging part of my comments. There are couples who were told by doctors that they will never have children and they did. Some of them have had many children. So, I say to both of you, cool it. Don't do anything stupid. If you do, you may live to regret it.

Pastor