Dear Pastor,

I am a 27-year-old man. My girlfriend is 20 and I am having problems with her. I love her but I don't trust her. She lies a lot and whenever I find out what she did, she is always begging me pardon and promising that she would not do it again. We do not live together but we see each other at least twice a week.

This girl told me that she was pregnant and when I considered her story I figured that I could have gotten her pregnant, because I was on vacation and slept with her for about three nights straight and didn't use a condom. I told her that she should carry the baby and she nearly cried her eyes out. She said that she can't manage a baby now, so I should give her money to do an abortion.

I protested because it was the second girl I got pregnant who didn't want to keep the pregnancy. The first young woman had an abortion and told me after she did it. For that reason I left her, because she is a murderer.

My present girlfriend said that if she doesn't get the money from me to do the abortion she would kill herself. When I heard her threatening to kill herself, I told her to go to the doctor and find out how much it would cost. She went, then called and told me. I went to the bank and withdrew the money and when I was giving it to her, I begged her again to change her mind, but she refused.

Now, pastor, my feelings for her has changed. I have not had sex with her and six months have gone by. She is accusing me now of having another girl, but it is not so. I just don't feel comfortable with her anymore knowing that she has gotten rid of my child.

J.G

Dear J.G.,

First of all, I must remind you that you were wrong in having unprotected sex with this young woman. Evidently, you have never discussed with her whether or not she would carry the child should she become pregnant. Perhaps you took it for granted that she would. Both of you were old enough to know that anytime a man and a woman have unprotected sex, the woman might become pregnant.

When your girlfriend became pregnant, she insisted that she did not want to keep the pregnancy. She threatened to kill herself and, out of fear, you gave her the money to terminate the pregnancy. You were afraid that she would carry out her threats. You couldn't be sure whether she was serious about committing suicide. Some folks may say that you should not have given her the money. By giving her the money you have to bear some of the blame.

I don't believe it is right for you to call your first girlfriend who had an abortion a murderer. Neither should you consider your second girlfriend, who did the same thing, a murderer. You left the first girl for what she did and now you are not relating well to your present girlfriend. Perhaps it is time for both of you to seek professional help. Call a psychologist and make an appointment for both of you to see him/her.

The easy way out for you is to end the relationship with this woman. But, perhaps you should give yourself more time to decide exactly what you should do. That is why I am suggesting that both of you go and see a psychologist.

Pastor