Dear Pastor,

When I was in high school, I used to like one of my schoolmates. When I found out that he liked another girl, I stopped liking him, but I didn't know he liked me. After graduation I went abroad and I didn't know what became of him and many of my classmates.

Some months ago I found out he was living in America. We had a Jamaican function in America and we met. He has four children and is on the verge of leaving the woman he is living with. We spent a long time talking and I asked him why he was not married. He said he got married to get his green card but was not in love with the woman so they broke up.

I am a Christian but he is not. He turned me off because I met him on Friday night and, by Sunday, he wanted to come to my house. I told him no because I had to be in church. I invited him to church and he made an excuse. I told him he could come to the evening service. He had another excuse but wanted to meet with me after church. He has a good job but is flirting. I cannot afford to drag my reputation down. I am a deaconess in my church. He is not interested in us being casual friends.

Since seeing me, he is anxious to get married. I thought of inviting him out but some of my friends are warning me to keep out of trouble. Pastor, this man has been living in America for a long time yet he doesn't have a home. I have two houses. I live in one and rent the other. I have never been married nor do I have any children. The chemistry isn't with this man. I have tried to tell him but he said he is not giving up. I have never wanted a man who drinks. He is a drinker.

Recently, I went to Jamaica and met a man who was married, but his wife died, and we have been communicating. I am getting to like him. How do I get this guy here, in America, to understand that I am not interested in him. I have told him over and over but he is not listening.

J.B

Dear J.B.,

This man has to learn that no means no. You have never been married, you don't have children and you don't want a player. He is a player. You have done well without this type of man in your life. You do not want to do anything foolish now to bring unhappiness into your life. When he calls you on the phone, you do not have to answer. When he texts you, you do not have to respond either. If he comes to your apartment and knocks on the door, you do not have to open your door.

Concerning the man in Jamaica, you don't even have to tell the guy in America about him. That is not his business. I wish you would get to know the guy in Jamaica better. Perhaps there is a future for both of you together.

I congratulate you for doing well. You are a wise, hard-working Jamaican woman. I believe you would make a wonderful wife to any hard-working, respectable Jamaican man with whom you fall in love.

Pastor