Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and three months pregnant. My boyfriend is 40 and engaged to be married. I know his fiancée, but she doesn't know me. He is a well-respected man. He was married before but got a divorce. His wife left him because she caught him having sex with her friend, who was also married. His wife divorced him and threatened to call the woman's husband. My boyfriend begged her not to call the man so she changed her mind.

He wanted me to have an abortion, but I said no. he has asked if I would agree to give up the baby for adoption because he cannot afford another child and does not want his fiancée to leave him. I am willing to give up the baby for adoption because I am not ready to get pregnant.

I am attending evening classes. he did not tell me he has a fiancée. Since I got pregnant he has been giving me more money to try to keep me quiet. I know he is not the only one who is wrong. I am wrong, too, because I knew my circumstances. I am not from a rich family and everybody is struggling. Sometimes I say, yes, I would give up the baby for adoption. sometimes I ask myself the question, "What if I never get pregnant again?"

Please help me, pastor.

L.V.

Dear L.V.,

You say you are not ready for a child but have found yourself pregnant, so what should you do? Almost everything you have said in your letter is to protect this man. Yes, it is true you mentioned you were not ready and you are going to school, but this man is not very much concerned about you. He is concerned about himself.

You made up your mind not to do the abortion. I suggest that if you are able to have your relatives assist you in taking care of this child, while you continue to go to evening classes, that you do so.

You would have to let this man know that you expect him to support his child, and, as long as he supports his child, you will leave him alone because it is not your intention to cause a rift between himself and the woman he is about to marry.

I hope this man will understand that you will do everything to protect the interest of your child but, at the same time, not create problems for his woman. By the way, you don't even have to tell anybody, apart from your relatives, who is the father of this child if he cooperates.

Pastor