Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you. I am 20. My boyfriend is 19. he has a babymother and wants me to get pregnant, because he does not love his babymother. He told me if I were to get pregnant, he would marry me when he is 21. I do not have any children and would like to go back to school. I am not interested in getting pregnant.

I asked him to help me to go back to school, but he does not agree, because he heard about girls who left men who helped them to go through school.

I love this man. I wouldn't leave him if he helps me. He said he has three brothers. Two are older than he is and none are married. He wants to prove I can have children before we are married.

The girl who has a child by him said she made a mistake. she has another man in her life. I love him but he doesn't have good reasoning ability.

He took me to meet his parents. They are nice people. He didn't have anything good to say about the other girl. I always have to walk with condoms. I don't trust him when it comes to sex. I know he will try to have sex with me without the condom, if I am not on my guard. This is my second boyfriend. I am not satisfied with him because he is on the 'ignorant' side, but gives me everything I ask for.

What do you think about this relationship?

M.J.

Dear M.J.,

I cannot give this relationship my blessings. Communication is very important in a relationship and you are unable to communicate with this man. He tells you how he sees issues but is not able to reason. unless he is willing to listen and communicate intelligently, you are wasting your time with him.

This man told you he is not prepared to help you go back to school and he gave you his reasons. It is true that many women turn away from men who have helped them to be educate them but some women never leave these men. They have stayed with them, not only out of gratitude but because they genuinely love them.

I said earlier, that this relationship does not have my blessings. I believe, at the age of 20, you shouldn't be begging a man to assist you. You should be willing to work and put yourself through school. It can be done.

As I write, I am thinking of a young woman who was a helper, went to school in the evenings and became a trained school eacher. Other women have done similar. You can do it if you have ambition.

This young man needs to go back to school, too. so instead of trying to get his money, encourage him to go to evening classes. He needs to upgrade himself. If he wants to become married, at the age of 21, and wants a good woman, he has to change his attitude about life and towards women.

Pastor
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