Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I have one child. I have not been very good to myself. Right now, I am going back to school and it is my babyfather who is sending me. My ambition is to be a nurse. My mother put me out when I was 16 and I had to go on the street and sell my body to survive.

Then I met my child's father. I did not believe that he would love me. He is 50 years old and he is a contractor. He has four children. When he took me to his house, he laid the rules down and told me that he would help me if I behaved myself. I told him I would behave because hunger was killing me. He sent me to do an AIDS test and we did not have sex until the test came back and showed that I was clean.

He had a helper and when she saw me staying with him she told me that he has many women and that's what he does, always taking young girls to the house. I asked him about it and he said that he has taken girls to the house because he is a man. He called the helper and fired her right before me. He said she was jealous of me and she shouldn't have told me that. I didn't want him to fire her because I thought all the work would be on me, but he got another helper. since I have had my baby I am back in school.

I love this man. I am not ashamed of his age. I am now learning to drive and his children love me. Now that my mother sees how I am doing she wants me to come by her more often, but I can't help remembering how she called me a dog and ran me out of the house because she wanted space for her boyfriend.

Pastor, do you think that this man is too old for me. He has never been married and since we are together I have never cheated on him.

S.W.

Dear S.W.,

I know that many people would say that you should not be with a man who is much older than you, but this is the man who took you out of the dump heap, so to speak. You were in such a need that you were selling your body on the street. I am not saying that it's good for a girl to live in concubinage but you were drowning and you needed not just a lifeguard, you needed to live a better life.

This man did not lie to you. He told you he had other women, but then he was hoping that he could settle with you if you would change the type of life that you were living. He is comfortable with you. He is taking care of you and sending you back to school. You know that he has proven to be a good man to you. It is true that he is much older than you but if you are comfortable with his age, it is nobody's business.

Try and get an education and take care of your baby. This man will treat you as a queen. Make sure you treat him as a king. I wish you well. Now be good to yourself.

Pastor