Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. It has helped me a lot. You always give good advice but sometimes you sound rough. My sister knows you and she says you are not rough, you are very nice.

I am 20 and a Christian. I have a boyfriend and I think about him a lot. He doesn't live in Jamaica. He is planning to visit this Easter. I fantasise a lot. Before I became a Christian we used to have sex every week.

I don't know what would have happened if he had not left the island. Sometimes, before I fall asleep at nights, I think about him and I remember what we used to do.

Even in my sleep, I am dreaming that we are having sex and when I wake up, my underwear is wet.

My sister told me that used to happen to her before she got married. Her husband is very understanding and whatever she wants, she gets from him. She doesn't turn him away when he wants sex and he doesn't turn her away either.

I remember a man on your radio show saying that Christians should not fantasise. He can say that because he is not in the position like us.

Pastor, am I a bad girl because I fantasise and dream about sex when I am asleep?

G.J.

Dear G.J.,

I do not consider you a bad girl. I believe that you are trying to be a Christian and that you are faced with struggles. You said that your boyfriend is away but you haven't said whether he will marry you when he returns in Easter.

That would be good. On the other hand, he is probably not totally ready. You did not mention his age and you did not say whether you are working.

As I see it, you are burning with passion and one way to cool sexual passion is to get married. Anyone who is struggling with temptations, and in your case, sexual fantasy, should always remember that temptation is not sin.

If you yield to temptation, then that is wrong. There are some people who do not believe that Christians should fantasise, but whether you are a Christian or non-Christian, you may fantasise from time to time.

It is not my place to question those who say they have never fantasised but, to me, that is like saying they have never sinned.

I could be wrong. It is not my place to judge anyone. Some people try to deal with sexual fantasies through prayer and fasting. Others work hard for long hours to try and keep their mind occupied.

However, one cannot work himself/herself to death, so there are times when their minds will go on the men and women in their lives.

Don't worry, my dear. Don't condemn yourself. Just try to do what is right and hope for the best.

Pastor