Dear Pastor,

I am 50 and I have been living with a man for five years. I am tired of this life. I told him I am giving my life to the Lord and he started to come to church with me. I knew he was not sincere because he was always cursing churches and preachers. Suddenly, he changed and started saying good things about church, so I knew he was not sincere.

At church, he went forward during the altar call. When we returned home, he wanted to have sex and I denied him. I told him we should get married first. He started to abuse me. I asked him why he was cursing me, and he said I was his wife and he was going to get baptised. I held out that night. He slept in the bedroom and I slept on the couch in my jeans. Underneath my jeans I had on a pair of shorts as well. He couldn't get through that night.

The next morning he got up and didn't say a word to me. He went to work. I called him and asked when we were going to get married, but he didn't answer. When he came home, I asked again. We made a date for the wedding. I told my children that I was getting married and they were glad.

I made an appointment to see the pastor, but he made every excuse not to see him. The pastor said he would come to the house. When the pastor visited, he made certain he was absent that day. Then he said that he didn't have any money. My children told him that they would pay for the wedding. The next thing I knew he moved out and went to live with another woman!

He left with my money. I loaned him $155,000 and I want it back. He told me I was not getting it back. He said he was keeping it as compensation for all that he had done for me.

How could a man be so wicked? I will never trust another man. My children will take care of me.

T.L.

Dear T.L.,

When this man was willing to make such a drastic change, you knew right away that he was not sincere. He was always talking bad about church and pastors, so he was only hoping he could pull the wool over your eyes.

He went to the altar that day so you could stop calling him a nonbeliever.

However, you stood your ground and insisted that for the sex to continue, you both needed to be baptised and live as husband and wife. This man knew that he could not get baptised because he was not genuine.

No spiritual transformation took place in his heart. Though you feel disappointed about not getting married, his departure has probably saved you from much more pain.

Concerning the loan you gave him, what proof do you have that it was a loan? I don't believe that you are going to get this money back.

He is a heartless man. If you think you have a chance of getting the money back, you may take him to court. Leave him alone with his new woman. Did I say new? Perhaps he had her long before he moved in with you. I wish you well.

Pastor